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Some people think that the government should take care of disadvantaged people such as the unemployed and homeless people do you agree or disagree

Some people think that the government should take care of disadvantaged people such as the unemployed and homeless people kJMR
In this new fang land era, unemployment is increasing at an alarming rate. A number of individual assert that government should take care of unemployed people like, they do not do any work. I completely disagree with this statement there are certain view points that I have discussed in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, it is an undeniable fact that some people appoint that government should complete basic needs of homeless people. First, if authorities should take care of disadvantaged people. As, they do not do work in their life then ultimately, they always rely on government and do not do hard work in their life. Secondly, if government provide umpteen job opportunities to homeless individuals rather than taking care of people then definitely, they do their work in their life. To exemplify, in a leading newspaper it was mentioned that in numerous countries the unemployment rate of people is burgeoning day by day. Furthermore, it is an irrefutable fact that these days and unemployment is increasing. First of all, if government should help for homeless individuals than other people like they do work in their life they are also do not do work because they think that their needs also complete by authorities. In addition, if individuals always sitting at the one of corner in their home then definitely, people would be become more lethargic. owing to, in future they faced myriad of difficulties in their life also do not get a successful in their life. To illustrate, in research it was mentioned that 60% of males think that if they do work in their life then their health become more fit. Thus, government do not care of unemployed people. To recapitulate, it can be deduced that although it is the duty of government that they care of homeless people on the contrary I personally believe that if a person should do any work in their life there are ample of beneficial aspects which cannot be overlooked.
In this new fang land era, unemployment is increasing at an alarming rate. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like, they do not do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I completely disagree with this statement there are certain view points that I have discussed in the subsequent paragraphs.

To commence with, it is an undeniable fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
appoint that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should complete basic needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
First
, if authorities should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of disadvantaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As, they do not do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
then
ultimately
, they always rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and do not do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
provide umpteen job opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
rather
than taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
then definitely, they do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. To exemplify, in a leading newspaper it
was mentioned
that in numerous countries the unemployment rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is burgeoning day by day.
Furthermore
, it is an irrefutable fact that these days and unemployment is increasing.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like they do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
they are
also
Consider using a past participle here: "done".
do
not do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their needs
also
complete by authorities.
In addition
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
always sitting at the one of corner in their home then definitely,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
be become
more lethargic.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
owing
to, in future they faced myriad of difficulties in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
also
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a successful in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. To illustrate, in research it
was mentioned
that 60% of males
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if they do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
then their health become more fit.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To recapitulate, it can
be deduced
that although it is the duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the contrary
I
personally
believe that if a person should do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
there are ample of beneficial aspects which cannot
be overlooked
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the government should take care of disadvantaged people such as the unemployed and homeless people

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
329 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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