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More and more people are leaving the countryside to live in cities.Does this development has more advantages or disadvantages for the environment?

More and more people are leaving the countryside to live in cities. Does this development has more advantages or disadvantages for the environment? 8D0V
Leaving the villages and migrating to city area is becoming increasingly popular these days. While there are few advantages of this, I often argue it's detrimental effects far outweigh it's pros. Firstly, the most significant advantage that city life provides to people is higher employment possibilities. Humankind move to cities with the aim of finding better job opportunities which suits his/her capability. Moreover another benefit is that cities provide all facilities namely quality education, transportation and healthcare facility. Due to this fact a number of people are leaving their villages or hometown. For example, my brother recently moved to Kathmandu leaving us alone at village for his higher education. If this facility was there in my hometown, my brother would never come here in Kathmandu. Secondly, the foremost cons of life in cities is that cities has its own drawbacks. Poverty, homelessness is a major problem in city and also the gap between rich and poor prevails in city area. Problems like pollution, traffic congestion, traffic jams and crime is very common here due to the fact it affects our health and waste our valuable time. Furthermore people even don't know their neighbours it means it is very rare to feel a sense of community in city life. For instance, it is often found that people call city as a 'Concrete Jungle'. To conclude, urban areas provides incremental benefits, however it's detrimental effects on people mental and physical health is more significant.
Leaving the villages and migrating to city area is becoming
increasingly
popular these days. While there are few advantages of this, I
often
argue it's detrimental effects far outweigh
it's
pros.

Firstly
, the most significant advantage that city life provides to
people
is
higher employment possibilities. Humankind
move
to
cities
with the aim of finding better job opportunities which suits his/her capability.
Moreover
another benefit is that
cities
provide all facilities
namely
quality education, transportation and healthcare facility. Due to this fact a number of
people
are leaving their villages or hometown.
For example
, my brother recently
moved
to Kathmandu leaving us alone at village for his higher education. If this facility was there in my hometown, my brother would never
come
here in Kathmandu.

Secondly
, the foremost cons of life in
cities
is that
cities
has its
own
drawbacks. Poverty, homelessness is a major problem in city and
also
the gap between rich and poor prevails in city area. Problems like pollution, traffic congestion, traffic jams and crime is
very
common here due to the fact it affects our health and waste our valuable time.
Furthermore
people
even don't know their
neighbours
it means it is
very
rare to feel a sense of community in city life.
For instance
, it is
often
found that
people
call city as a 'Concrete Jungle'.

To conclude
, urban areas provides incremental benefits,
however
it's detrimental effects
on
people
mental and physical health is more significant.
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IELTS essay More and more people are leaving the countryside to live in cities. Does this development has more advantages or disadvantages for the environment?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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