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Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.15

It is irrefutable that education is most for the youth for get better knowledge. Some people opine that young adults should apply to university to continue their education. However, others claim that starting to work as car mechanics or builders. In the following paragraph, I shall discuss both sides of arguments. I personally agree on former view. To begin with, Further education increase the number of job opportunities. Whether people finish bachelor degree, earn masters or seek a certificate of completion- this achievements may open various doors of career. The time that students spend in universities help to get valuable knowledge and go through experience that is appreciated by most employers. As a result, a person has more chances not only to be accepted, but also to gain a job promotion. On the other hand, the jobs related to serving the society develop skills of people in short period of time. For exemplify, car mechanics, builders and waiters tend to train brain based on activities they do regularly, so they quickly become an crucial person in such area. So, the practical experience become the best teachers. As a result, individuals by moving into service work may seriously improve the chance of earning good money at an early age. In conclusion, there are many positive aspects of both ways. But, personally, I believe that all graduates have to go to university for their higher education and for the better job growth in future. However, if people want to work to serve the society, they can freely choose it.
It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is most for the youth for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better knowledge.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that young adults should apply to university to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
However
, others claim that starting to work as car mechanics or builders. In the following paragraph, I shall discuss both sides of arguments. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on former view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
Further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
increase the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities. Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
finish bachelor degree, earn masters or seek a certificate of completion- this achievements may open various doors of career. The time that students spend in universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
valuable knowledge and go through experience that
is appreciated
by most employers.
As a result
, a person has more chances not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to gain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
promotion.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
related to serving the society develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in short period of time. For exemplify, car mechanics, builders and waiters tend to train brain based on activities they do
regularly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
quickly
become
Use “a” instead of ‘an’ if the following word doesn’t start with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘a sentence’, ‘a university’.
an
crucial person in such area.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the practical experience become the best teachers.
As a result
, individuals by moving into service work may
seriously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the chance of earning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
money at an early age.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of both ways.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
personally
, I believe that all graduates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to university for their higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and for the better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
growth
The phrase ‘in future’ is British English. Did you mean: “in the future”?
in future
.
However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to work to serve the society, they can
freely
choose it.
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IELTS essay Some people think young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should been encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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