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Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.10

Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. v. 10
These days, it is often believed that a university degree is essential since it allows working in a prestigious place as a white-collar worker. However, another part of the population thinks that graduates should do community services instead of continuing to study. From my point of view, it would be better if undergraduates keep studying to get a university degree because the majority of workplaces require the graduation of a university. Nowadays, mental jobs are mostly required, which need special knowledge. For instance, the ICT programmer is highly necessary due to modern needs. However, people cannot cope with this job with high school knowledge. Besides, universities would teach the important skills that may be useful, such as critical thinking, analysing as well as technology and information literacy. Graduates can acquire these skills mostly in educational facilities. Furthermore, knowledge is obtained in universities would provide work safety and sustainability. As a result, people cannot underrate the significance of university degrees. On the other hand, rarely do people realize the importance of community work, and hold views that a societal lack of blue-collar workers. These kinds of people play a crucial part in society, thanks to them, people do not face any major problems in daily life. In addition, these jobs do not entail any high degree, which means no need for further studying and wasting time. Likewise, these workers would start their work earlier and be more experienced. Also, they have an opportunity to set up their own business. Therefore, people believe that community work is better and the best decision after the graduation of a school. In conclusion, I take a stance on even though manual workers are a vital part of our life, a university degree is necessary. Moreover, if it is possible, every person should try to study at universities since it is a great opportunity to learn a plethora of things to develop the world.
These days, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
is essential since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
working in a prestigious place as a white-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
.
However
, another part of the population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that graduates should do community services
instead
of continuing to study. From my point of view, it would be better if undergraduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
studying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the majority of workplaces require the graduation of a university.

Nowadays, mental jobs are
mostly
required, which need special knowledge.
For instance
, the ICT programmer is
highly
necessary due to modern needs.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot cope with this job with high school knowledge.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
would teach the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that may be useful, such as critical thinking,
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
as well
as technology and information literacy. Graduates can acquire these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
mostly
in educational facilities.
Furthermore
, knowledge
is obtained
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
would provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
safety and sustainability.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot underrate the significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degrees.

On the other hand
, rarely do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realize the importance of community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, and hold views that a societal lack of blue-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
play a crucial part in society, thanks to them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not face any major problems in daily life.
In addition
, these jobs do not entail any high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
, which means no need for
further
studying and wasting time.
Likewise
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
earlier and be more experienced.
Also
, they have an opportunity to set up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is better and the best decision after the graduation of a school.

In conclusion
, I take a stance on
even though
manual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are a vital part of our life, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
is necessary.
Moreover
, if it is possible, every person should try to study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
since it is a great opportunity to learn a plethora of things to develop the world.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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