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Some people think that young ones need to help the development of community with free service where other think that they should be paid. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Some people think that young ones need to help the development of community with free service where other think that they should be paid. BJoGp
Nobody can deny that few number of individuals opine that youngsters have to do progression in the society whilst, other assume that they ought given the money to ameliorate the zeal in the divergent of workplaces. i will put shed light on the both views and my viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs. To analyzing and explaining further first and foremost, youngers should be given wages so that they can manage the family budget and also carry their burden like tuition fees and other expenses of study
Nobody can deny that
Possible agreement error. The noun number seems to be countable; consider using: "few numbers".
few number
of individuals opine that youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do progression in the society whilst, other assume that they ought
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the money to ameliorate the zeal in
The phrase 'the divergent of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the divergent of
workplaces.
Did you mean "I"?
i
will put shed light on the both views and my viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs. To analyzing and explaining
further
first
and foremost,
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
wages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can manage the family budget and
also
carry their burden like tuition fees and other expenses of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
study

IELTS essay Some people think that young ones need to help the development of community with free service where other think that they should be paid.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
85 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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