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Some People Think That Young Children Benefit From Going To The Nursery School Before Starting Primary School

Some People Think That Young Children Benefit From Going To The Nursery School Before Starting Primary School gY7ea
People have different opinions about whether children should go to pre-school. While some people believe that children can obtain some benefits from staying at home with parents, I believe that attending kindergartens is more practical and beneficial to their upbringing in the long-term. It is true that there are several lines of evidence supporting some guardians’ choice of home-schooling. Children have relatively fragile immune systems and hence they are more likely to suffer from contagious diseases if they go to pre-school. Staying at home can minimize such infections by making them less exposed to crowds. In addition, school bullying is very serious in most schools, and thus in those educational institutions, their possibilities of falling victims are very high, whereas staying at home with their parents can eliminate such possibilities. However, I agree with those who believe that attending nursery schools is more practical and reasonable to children. To be more specific, in these schools children have the opportunities to interact with their classmates who are diverse in personalities and backgrounds and this cultivates their strong communication abilities. Conversely, those who do not have experience of attending preschools are often afflicted with fear when they finally go to school. In addition, at pre-school they can learn numbers and alphabets in fun ways and it will lay a solid foundation for their future study. In conclusion, I believe that going to nursery schools is a better option for children that spending their formative years at home. It exposes them to the world outside and helps them acquire invaluable social skills.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about whether
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children
should go to
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pre-school
. While
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some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can obtain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits from staying at home with parents, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that attending kindergartens is more practical and beneficial to their upbringing in the long-term.

It is true that there are several lines of evidence supporting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
guardians’ choice of home-schooling.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
have
relatively
fragile immune systems and
hence
they are more likely to suffer from contagious diseases if they go to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-school
. Staying at home can minimize such infections by making them less exposed to crowds.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
bullying is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, and
thus
in those educational institutions, their possibilities of falling victims are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high, whereas staying at home with their parents can eliminate such possibilities.

However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that attending nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is more practical and reasonable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To be more specific, in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have the opportunities to interact with their classmates who are diverse in personalities and backgrounds and this cultivates their strong communication abilities.
Conversely
, those who do not have experience of attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preschools
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
afflicted with fear when they
finally
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
In addition
, at
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-school
they can learn numbers and alphabets in fun ways and it will lay a solid foundation for their future study.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that going to nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is a better option for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that spending their formative years at home. It exposes them to the world outside and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them acquire invaluable social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
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IELTS essay Some People Think That Young Children Benefit From Going To The Nursery School Before Starting Primary School

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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