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Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. v. 3
There is no doubt that women are being employed in an increasing number in workplaces these days. However, some individuals still believe that women should not work in the police department. I do not agree with the statement, and will discuss about it in the essay. First of all, criminals can be either males or females, and it is better to employ female officers to catch female culprits. This is because many female offenders have accused the policemen of sexual harassment; thus, they feel more secure in the presence of woman personnel. A 2017 survey report conducted by an NGO in India suggested that 2 to 10% of female offenders complained of sexual harassment against male staff. Moreover, women are more comfortable with the same gender officers while taking driving tests. Another important point to consider in favour of the employment of the lady staff in law enforcement authorities is to promote the idea of women empowerment. In the countries like India, where the crime - rate against women is still higher, these measures could prove fruitful in the future. The reason is that these services involve physical training due to which they start feeling stronger, and their self-esteem would uplift. Therefore, the women should be empowered and should be given equal opportunity as men to work if they have essential qualification and skills, In conclusion, although there are different opinions of people regarding the lady personnel, steps like these would empower women and help them gain confidence to stand for their rights. I believe that it is vital to take such steps to support the idea of gender equality, and also strengthen the position of women in the society.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
being employed
in an increasing number in workplaces these days.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
still
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should not work in the police department. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement, and will
Did you mean simply "discuss it"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about it
in the essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, criminals can be either males or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
, and it is better to employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
officers to catch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
culprits. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
offenders have accused the policemen of sexual harassment;
thus
, they feel more secure in the presence of woman personnel. A 2017 survey report conducted by an NGO in India suggested that 2 to 10% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
offenders complained of sexual harassment against male staff.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more comfortable with the same gender officers while taking driving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point to consider in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the employment of the lady staff in law enforcement authorities is to promote the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment. In the countries like India, where the crime
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
rate against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is
still
higher, these measures could prove fruitful in the future. The reason is that these services involve physical training due to which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
feeling stronger, and their self-esteem would uplift.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
be empowered
and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal opportunity as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
to work if they have essential qualification and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
regarding the lady personnel, steps like these would empower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them gain confidence to stand for their rights. I believe that it is vital to take such steps to support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of gender equality, and
also
strengthen the position of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the society.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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