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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.48

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 48
Selecting the correct employee for a particular job would become a challenging task for the managers. Some people perceive that finding personal information about the skills or material status will helps to decide their capabilities and their focus. However, others think that these will not be useful to judge the person in an interview. This essay will discuss my stance with supporting arguments in the below paragraphs. To begin with, the predominate reason for the interviewer ask for personal information is that helps to get an idea about an individual’s goals. This will provide information about their interest and analytical abilities which helps to decide whether that person is suitable for a job or not. Although, an idea is about the interviews marital status helping to find out their focusing capabilities, this will help them to get increasing manpower whenever they needed. For example, by knowing that a candidate is a good sports player, then it would be easily identified that makes them able to work with many team players easily. On the other hand, others believe that this parameter are not important to decide their capabilities. The first reason is that people having different hobbies during their life. Even this will change as time passes, that’s the way this would not be used to decide their capabilities. Furthermore, to find out person’s dedication to a company depends on not only their health but also depends on their future goals also. For instance, Research conducted shows that interviewers have to decide person’s abilities by knowing their nature and analysing their behaviour in a challenging atmosphere, this will help in the growth of the company. In conclusion, by knowing person’s basic info helps to decide their interest and psychical abilities. However, this will change as per time goes. As per my opinion, the interviewer has to consider the knowledge and basic data would be used at a certain extent.
Selecting the correct employee for a particular job would become a challenging task for the managers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
perceive that finding personal information about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or material status will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "help"
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capabilities
and their focus.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these will not be useful to judge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in an interview. This essay will discuss my stance with supporting arguments in the below paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the predominate reason for the interviewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
personal information is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about an individual’s goals. This will provide information about their interest and analytical abilities which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
whether that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is suitable for a job or not. Although, an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is about the interviews marital status helping to find out their focusing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capabilities
, this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
increasing manpower whenever they needed.
For example
, by knowing that a candidate is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sports player, then it would be
easily
identified that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them able to work with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
team players
easily
.

On the other hand
, others believe that
The verb 'are' is plural. Did you mean: "this parameter is"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this parameter are
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capabilities
. The
first
reason is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
hobbies during their life. Even this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
as time passes, that’s the way this would not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capabilities
.
Furthermore
, to find out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
dedication to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
depends on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
depends on their future goals
also
.
For instance
, Research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that interviewers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
abilities by knowing their nature and
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in a challenging atmosphere, this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in the growth of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, by knowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
basic info
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
their interest and psychical abilities.
However
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
as per time goes. As per my opinion, the interviewer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
consider the knowledge and basic data would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
at a certain extent.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 48

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.48