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Some people think that woman should take part in the military or the police force, but other oppose to this idea. Discuss both views give your own opinion and examples

Some people think that woman should take part in the military or the police force, but other oppose to this idea. Discuss both views give your own opinion and examples 9LwYx
Females needs to join army or as a cop, it`s actually thought by some. While people with different thinking level are against of it. First of all, with regards to individual all the women have the equal right to come forward for serving their nation. It shows the woman empowerment. Nowadays, females are working in military force cop. Through these females can emphasis the earning source in their family along with the males. It encourages a woman to contribute more on society and also increase the self respect among the other genders. In some cases only males can`t handle the situation those are related to females, in that time female army and cop must be needed. For example, some criminals can easily catch by females because they have some extra power to attract. Overall, all the woman should grab the opportunity to work in this area besides various sector. On the other hand, woman`s are not physically strong as much as mans. In addition, this type of profession requires for fearless personality. Similarly they are naturally soft, that`s why they might have to go through any kind of tough situation. Meanwhile a huge number of families doesn`t allowed to work outside the house, because the families think that they have a lot of responsibilities those are related to family. For instance females have to take care of their children, complete household chores and many more. Now, thus problems can be trouble for woman`s to work for civil services. In my opinion, I personally think that everyone should come forward to encourage the ladies to work for this individual civil sector. That will help to maximize the women movement for the nation. However, the families are also important. So, the consideration of the family and some lacking of females shouldn`t be overlooked. In conclusion, woman`s should have to work for the army force and cop, after following some circumstances.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "female needs".
Females needs
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
army or as a cop,
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "it's" or "it’s".
it`s
actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
thinking level are against of it.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
individual all the women have the equal right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward for serving their nation. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
empowerment. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are working in military force cop. Through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
can emphasis the earning source in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
along with the males. It encourages a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
to contribute more on society and
also
increase the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self respect
among the other genders. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
males
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "can't" or "can’t".
can`t
handle the situation those
are related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
, in that time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
army and cop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be needed
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
criminals can
easily
catch by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra power to attract.
Overall
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
should grab the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in this area
besides
various sector.

On the other hand
,
The character between 'woman' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "woman’s" (curly apostrophe) or "woman's" (straight apostrophe).
woman`s
are not
physically
strong as much as
'mans' refers to the verb 'man' meaning take command of something. Did you mean "men" or "man's"?
mans
.
In addition
, this type of profession requires for fearless personality.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
they are
naturally
soft,
The character between 'that' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "that’s" (curly apostrophe) or "that's" (straight apostrophe).
that`s
why they might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go through any kind of tough situation.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "doesn't" or "doesn’t".
doesn`t
The verb 'doesn't' requires base form of this verb: "allow"
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
outside the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
responsibilities those
are related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
For instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care of their children, complete household chores and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
,
thus
problems can be trouble for
The character between 'woman' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "woman’s" (curly apostrophe) or "woman's" (straight apostrophe).
woman`s
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for civil services.

In my opinion, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that everyone should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to encourage the ladies to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for this individual civil sector. That will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to maximize the women movement for the nation.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the consideration of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lacking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "shouldn't" or "shouldn’t".
shouldn`t
be overlooked
.

In conclusion
,
The character between 'woman' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "woman’s" (curly apostrophe) or "woman's" (straight apostrophe).
woman`s
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the army force and cop, after following
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances.
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IELTS essay Some people think that woman should take part in the military or the police force, but other oppose to this idea. Discuss both views give your own opinion and examples

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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