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Some people think that we should move in other places and like to do some things.

Some people think that we should move in other places and like to do some things. 5BGaV
It is undeniable that education please the most crucial role in one's life. Also, travelling is indispensable for education, because it is the best source of knowledge. Although, few nations motivate their scholars to work or travel after the completion of the senior secondary and before starting higher studies. This essay would delve into both the benefits and drawbacks of this phenomena. To begin with, the main advantage of this notion is that it provide practical knowledge about the theoretical concepts which they studied in the high schools if they choose to do work ok as well as they become aware about the job and opportunities which are provided by various sectors for the field they chose before. In addition to this, travelling gives experience about several places, languages and cultures. In other words, tourists can explore different religions. Additionally, tourism is a popular leisure activity, as students can go on travelling in this one year in order to relax their mind and have fun, so that they can go for a fresh start in their career. On the flip side, it has some negative impacts. The major demerit of this phenomena is gap between the flow of students studies as not all young people utilize this time in appropriate manner. Furthermore, they get distracted from their studies and lose their interest also. Apart from this, some students do not want to pursue their higher education because they find work as more convenient method to earn money rather than to study further. Along with this, parents also encourage their children to do job as it increase the source of income in the family. So, they feel financially secure. To conclude, I pen down by saying that this phenomena have some merits and demerits. However, in my opinion, scholars have to go for a short break to relax and refresh their mind, but also continue their further education in universities rather than living it properly.
It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
the most crucial role in one's life.
Also
, travelling is indispensable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the best source of knowledge. Although, few nations motivate their scholars to work or travel after the completion of the senior secondary and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. This essay would delve into both the benefits and drawbacks of
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main advantage of this notion is that it provide practical knowledge about the theoretical concepts which they studied in the high schools if they choose to do work ok
as well
as they become aware about the job and opportunities which
are provided
by various sectors for the field they chose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
In addition
to this, travelling gives experience about several places, languages and cultures.
In other words
, tourists can explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
religions.
Additionally
, tourism is a popular leisure activity, as students can go on travelling in this one year in order to relax their mind and have fun,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can go for a fresh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
in their career.

On the flip side, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. The major demerit of
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena is gap between the flow of students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
as not all young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
utilize this time in appropriate manner.
Furthermore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and lose their interest
also
. Apart from this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students do not want to pursue their higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they find work as more convenient method to earn money
rather
than to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
further
. Along with this, parents
also
encourage their children to do job as it increase the source of income in the family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they feel
financially
secure.

To conclude
, I pen down by saying that
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits and demerits.
However
, in my opinion, scholars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go for a short break to relax and refresh their mind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
continue their
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in universities
rather
than living it
properly
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that we should move in other places and like to do some things.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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