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Responsibilities of businessess

Responsibilities of businessess Rw96Y
Some people think that organizations should contribute social activities to the local communities as well as leveraging profit out of them. I completely agree with the idea about social responsibilities as I believe companies will be able to pay back for the negative effects of their products and I also think that they will be benefited from this kind of contribution. On the one hand, this paragraph will focus on the idea of how these social campaigns can prevent the unpredictable external affects to the company. For example, soft drinks such as coca cola and soda have detrimental effects on people’s health because of their high level of sugar and gases; obesity is one of the health issues developed by consuming sugary drinks. People will concern about their health at some period, and carbonated drink producing companies may face pessimistic accusations against their products in future. For this reason, company should do more for the society in order to avoid these negative impacts by organizing health-related events such as race, Zumba and yoga. On the other hand, social obligations can not only enhance the organization’s brand image but also the company can be advantaged from it. By doing social responsibilities mean that an organization helps out the communities by taking part in the development project of some areas. For instance, a company, participating in local school project can be allowed to tag their brand name on some wall of the school building along with the students’ creative painting. Additionally, water bottles and books are the necessities of a student; the company can donate these basic needs with a print of their brand on it. As a result, marketing budget used on the brand recognition can be minimized, and two aims can be achieved with one stone as well. In conclusion, in my view, according to those facts I have described above; company should not only focus on making profits but also for the welfare of the communities around them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that organizations should contribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities to the local communities
as well
as leveraging profit out of them. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibilities as I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will be able to pay back for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of their products and I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they will
be benefited
from this kind of contribution.

On the one hand, this paragraph will focus on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of how these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
campaigns can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the unpredictable external affects to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
For example
, soft drinks such as coca cola and soda have detrimental effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their high level of sugar and gases; obesity is one of the health issues developed by consuming sugary drinks.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
will concern about their health at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
period, and carbonated drink producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
may face pessimistic accusations against their products
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should do more for the society in order to avoid these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts by organizing health-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as race, Zumba and yoga.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
obligations can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance the organization’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
image
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can
be advantaged
from it. By doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibilities mean that an organization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
out the communities by taking part in the development project of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, participating in local school project can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to tag their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
name on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wall of the school building along with the students’ creative painting.
Additionally
, water bottles and books are the necessities of a student; the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can donate these basic needs with a print of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
on it.
As a result
, marketing budget
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
recognition can
be minimized
, and two aims can
be achieved
with one stone
as well
.

In conclusion
, in my view, according to those facts I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on making profits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the welfare of
Consider using "the surrounding communities".
the communities around them
.

IELTS essay Responsibilities of businessess

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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