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Some people think that we learn our most important lessons in school. Others think that the knowledge we acquire outside is the most important. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.2

Some people think that we learn our most important lessons in school. Others think that the knowledge we acquire outside is the most important. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2
It is true that school is considered as a knowledge hub and a place where we learn a lot of our lessons. But, it has been seen that school mainly teaches what is there in the curriculum and the student learns only what is required for the exam. These types of lessons are not of significant importance as they won’t help us cope up with the pace of this modern world. To begin with, the lessons that we learn from our real life experiences outside the scope of school are of great significance as they teach us how the world behaves. They help an individual find it’s hidden talents. And, these are the lessons that we never forget in our life. For example, during the summer break, I learnt the value of money when my father told me to teach few kids for a week and that, I would be paid for it. That was the time I understood how difficult it is to earn even a single penny. Well, this life lesson was never taught by the school teachers. Furthermore, the real life implementation of lessons learnt in school helps in understanding their true meaning. For instance, textbooks in my school taught us the concept of gravity and gravitational force, which states that, the force exerted by earth on objects is directly proportional to their masses. But I understood this concept more clearly when my father threw two objects, cotton and a metal ball together at the same time. As a result, the metal ball took less time as compared to cotton to reach the surface of earth because the gravitational pull for the metal ball was more in contrast to cotton. To put it briefly, schools definitely impart knowledge and teaches us important life lessons but, the knowledge obtained from outside or the real world I would say is much more prominent as it teaches us things which no school in this entire world can teach us.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is considered
as a knowledge hub and a place where we learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
mainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaches
what is there in the curriculum and the student learns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
what
is required
for the exam. These types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
are not of significant importance as they won’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us cope up with the pace of this modern world.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
that we learn from our real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experiences outside the scope of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are of great significance as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
us how the world behaves. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
an individual find it’s hidden talents. And, these are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
that we never forget in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, during the summer break, I
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
the value of money when my father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
few kids for a week and that, I would
be paid
for it. That was the time I understood how difficult it is to earn even a single penny. Well, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
was never taught by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
teachers.

Furthermore
, the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
implementation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in understanding their true meaning.
For instance
, textbooks in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
taught us the concept of gravity and gravitational force, which states that, the force exerted by earth on objects is
directly
proportional to their masses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I understood this concept more
clearly
when my father threw two objects, cotton and a metal ball together at the same time.
As a result
, the metal ball took less time as compared to cotton to reach the surface of earth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the gravitational pull for the metal ball was more
in contrast
to cotton.

To put it
briefly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
definitely impart knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaches
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the knowledge obtained from outside or the real world I would say is much more prominent as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaches
us things which no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in this entire world can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
us.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people think that we learn our most important lessons in school. Others think that the knowledge we acquire outside is the most important. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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