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Do you agree or disagree that people should work on relaxing with hobbies or physical exercises than continue to do same work as in workplace. Support with reasons. v.2

that people should work on relaxing with hobbies or physical exercises than continue to do same work as in workplace. Support with reasons. v. 2
In today’s world, which is growing at a very fast rate, people have no time to spare and relax a bit. Because of the increased competitiveness, even the smallest amount of free time is utilized in thinking about work. All this has greatly affected the lives of people. Hence, in my opinion, people should indulge themselves in some sort of relaxation activities like hobbies or physical exercises. I feel this way for two very important reasons which will be further explained in the essay. Firstly, physical exercise always acts as a stress buster. All the work load and pressure can be easily vented out by doing some form of exercise. For instance, I always go for a run after coming from job and this has helped me improve my health in various ways. To begin with, all my stress just gets removed and I start feeling more relaxed. Furthermore, running in a park around those green trees also allows fresh intake of oxygen, which is not available in the chaotic city because of increased traffic. And therefore, this a very easy and efficient way for one to relax. Secondly, performing hobbies is also a great way to release stress. This way, people get to think in a different direction apart from their job. This transition is very helpful as people feel and enjoy what they do. For example, my mother always goes to an NGO to play with the kids and feed them. The smile on the faces of those children brings a smile on my mother’s face and all her worries just disappear as if they never existed. In conclusion, people should work on relaxing themselves and the best way of doing that is either perform some hobby or physical exercise. This will help them to counter the negative impact of the work pressure and stress and will prove beneficial for them.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, which is growing at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
rate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no time to spare and relax a bit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the increased competitiveness, even the smallest amount of free time
is utilized
in thinking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. All this has
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Hence
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should indulge themselves in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of relaxation activities like hobbies or physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
. I feel this way for two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons which will be
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the essay.

Firstly
, physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
always acts as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
buster. All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
load and pressure can be
easily
vented out by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
For instance
, I always go for a run after coming from job and this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my health in various ways. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, all my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
removed and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
feeling more relaxed.
Furthermore
, running in a park around those green trees
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
fresh intake of oxygen, which is not available in the chaotic city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increased traffic. And
therefore
, this a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy and efficient way for one to relax.

Secondly
, performing hobbies is
also
a great way to release
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. This way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
direction apart from their job. This transition is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel and enjoy what they do.
For example
, my mother always goes to an NGO to play with the kids and feed them. The smile on the faces of those children brings a smile on my mother’s face and all her worries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
disappear as if they never existed.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on relaxing themselves and the best way of doing
that is
either perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hobby or physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to counter the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and will prove beneficial for them.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay that people should work on relaxing with hobbies or physical exercises than continue to do same work as in workplace. Support with reasons. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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