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Some people think that video games are advantageous, while others believe video games are harmful to the people who play them. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that video games are advantageous, while others believe video games are harmful to the people who play them. v. 2
In a recent scenario, there has been a hotly debated issue that whether the visual games are positive or negative for adolescents. Therefore, some people stated that it has an adverse impact on the teenager. Whereas, remaining masses of the society think that it's a benefit for them. However, both the views have their own advantage and disadvantages. Hence, before commenting on my viewpoint both the ideas would be discussed further. Discussing the advantage of televised games, the first and foremost one that the supporters would put forward is that, telecasted games are enhance the problem solving skills of the children. In other words, there are a variety of stages and tasks are available in the games which would be done by the player, it is not an easy task for them. Hence, by this they learn how to clear it and how to solve the passer. In addition, it will also improve the intellectual capability of the children. To demonstrate, there are enormous type of rules and regulation are available in a game, hence to reach a last stage or to win a game they have to follow the rules or learn them till the end. Consequently, these make a pressure on their mind and so mental ability is improving. Focusing on the later viewpoint some people think that it is a harmful for the children they commented that, it has an addictive device by which majority of teenagers are distracted from their studies. in other words, if they start playing a televised game, then they are addicted to this because of their graphics and tasks and no going back, as a result, they forgot their study or may be suffering from disease such as back pain or obesity. In India, for instance, one research on teenager claim that, approximately 45% children are losing their study and fight against sickness due to an excessive use of broadcast games. Thus, to conclude the discussion, it can be eventually stated that, although broadcast games have an adverse impact on children in their review, I believe that, it has more fruitful outcomes for them in order to enhance their mental skills as well as problem solving skills. Which is not only beneficial for them in academic examination, but also important for their future career.
In a recent scenario, there has been a
hotly
debated issue that whether the visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for adolescents.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
stated that it has an adverse impact on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
. Whereas, remaining masses of the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it's a benefit for them.
However
, both the views have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantage and disadvantages.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
commenting on my viewpoint both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
would
be discussed
further
.

Discussing the advantage of televised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, the
first
and foremost one that the supporters would put forward is that,
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
Consider using a past participle here: "enhanced".
enhance
the problem solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In other words
, there are a variety of stages and tasks are available in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which would
be done
by the player, it is not an easy task for them.
Hence
, by this they learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
it and how to solve the passer.
In addition
, it will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the intellectual capability of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To demonstrate, there are enormous type of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulation are available in a game,
hence
to reach a last stage or to win a game they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
or learn them till the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
Consequently
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a pressure on their mind and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
mental ability is improving.

Focusing on the later viewpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is a harmful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they commented that, it has an addictive device by which majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are distracted
from their studies.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
other words, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
playing a televised game, then they
are addicted
to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their graphics and tasks and no going back,
as a result
, they forgot their study or may be suffering from disease such as back pain or obesity. In India,
for instance
, one research on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
claim that, approximately 45%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are losing their study and fight against sickness due to an excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of broadcast games.

Thus
,
to conclude
the discussion, it can be
eventually
stated that, although broadcast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have an adverse impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their review, I believe that, it has more fruitful outcomes for them in order to enhance their mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as problem solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial for them in academic examination,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their future career.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Some people think that video games are advantageous, while others believe video games are harmful to the people who play them. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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