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: Some people think that university students should only focusing on studying. However, others think that they should do other things such as joining in some clubs or doing a part-time job. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

: Some people think that university students should only focusing on studying. However, others think that they should do other things such as joining in some clubs or doing a part-time job. e3gPJ
Nowadays, many people believe that college students should concentrate on learning; other, however, think that they should do other things. While I am in favor of the latter opinion, I am going to delve into both views in this essay. On the one hand, there are several reasons why people think that college students should concentrate on learning. One of the main reasons is if college students focus on studying, their grades will improve. As the result, when students put all their time and energy into studying, their academic performance gradually improve. On the other hand, in spite of these arguments, I still believe that students do other things such as joining in some clubs or doing a part – time job brings many benefits. Firstly, when students participate in extracurricular activities, they have more experience and soft skill such as communication skills or teamwork skill. As a result, it helps students have interesting memories in their life. Moreover, it is extremely significant when graduated students to apply for a job. For instance, if student’s CV has joining in some club or doing a part- time job, it will be more sympathetic to employer. Secondly, when students doing a part – time job, they can share financial burden with their family. Consequently, student doing outwork, they can pay their cost of living without depending on their parents. Although, there are some reasons to believe that college students should focus on studying, I believe that students do other things.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should concentrate on learning;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things. While I am in favor of the latter opinion, I am going to delve into both views in this essay.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should concentrate on learning. One of the main reasons is if college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
focus on studying, their grades will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. As the result, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
put all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy into studying, their academic performance
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
these arguments, I
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things such as joining in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
clubs or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
a part –
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
Firstly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
participate in extracurricular activities, they have more experience and soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
such as communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have interesting memories in their life.
Moreover
, it is
extremely
significant when graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to apply for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
CV has joining in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
club or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
a part-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, it will be more sympathetic to employer.
Secondly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
a part –
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they can share financial burden with their family.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
outwork, they can pay their cost of living without depending on their parents.

Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should focus on studying, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things.
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IELTS essay : Some people think that university students should only focusing on studying. However, others think that they should do other things such as joining in some clubs or doing a part-time job.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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