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Nowadays, people of all ages from certain parts of the world spend most of time at home rather than going outdoors.

Nowadays, people of all ages from certain parts of the world spend most of time at home rather than going outdoors. XDWmY
The question of where we have to spend most of our time has been long debated. Some strongly advise that engaging in outdoor activities is better. However, others believe that indoor activities provide more advantages. Regarding the issue, I think that people of all ages should spend most of their time doing outside activities than staying at home, and I will explain why. Firstly, various outdoor activities – scientifically proven - provide many physical benefits for people. Many doctors advise constant exposure to sun rays because people can acquire vitamin D through direct contact with sun rays. Also, in outdoor activities, we can do more exercise and burn more calories significantly. For example, running in the park is more effective in burning more calories than in a confined space using a treadmill because distractions from nature will help us focus on running; thus, we can spend more time running a little longer. Secondly, by engaging in outdoor activities, we can earn a massive boost for the development of mental health. By directly meeting others, people can trigger a specific hormone – which leads to happiness. For instance, researchers believe that physical interaction helps to improve the affection between two individuals; moreover, some therapies done outside lead to better results for treating mental problems. Admittedly, it is true that indoor activities provide convenience and safety, and may help people to avoid physical injuries from outdoor activities. However, by increasing one’s awareness and improving public security, people can safely do outdoor activities without worrying about their safety. In conclusion, I believe that people should spend a significant portion of their time doing outdoor activities than staying at home.
The question of where we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
has been long debated.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
strongly
advise that engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is better.
However
, others believe that indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
provide more advantages. Regarding the issue, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
than staying at home, and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

Firstly
, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
scientifically
proven
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
physical benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
doctors advise constant exposure to sun rays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can acquire vitamin D through direct contact with sun rays.
Also
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, we can do more exercise and burn more calories
significantly
.
For example
, running in the park is more effective in burning more calories than in a confined space using a treadmill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
distractions from nature will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us focus on running;
thus
, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
running a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
longer.

Secondly
, by engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, we can earn a massive boost for the development of mental health. By
directly
meeting others,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can trigger a specific hormone
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
which leads to happiness.
For instance
, researchers believe that physical interaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the affection between two individuals;
moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
therapies done outside lead to better results for treating mental problems.

Admittedly
, it is true that indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
provide convenience and safety, and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to avoid physical injuries from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
However
, by increasing one’s awareness and improving public security,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
safely
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
without worrying about their safety.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a significant portion of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
than staying at home.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, people of all ages from certain parts of the world spend most of time at home rather than going outdoors.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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