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Save children’s health by laws

Save children’s health by laws LGpy8
Do you think the government should implement laws to protect children’s health? When we save children’s health, we can have a healthy and productive society. I think we must help governments to enforce laws for saving our children’s health, to have strong children. Reducing sugars and processed food helps reduce disease. For example, eating too much sugar can lead to diabetes. Reducing the intake of this type of food makes children eat more healthy food. for instance, children will replace bad snacks such as sweets with good snacks such as dried fruits. Establishing strict laws will make businessmen direct to open restaurants and centers for healthy nutrition and help society get rid of bad habits. Such us, businessman will stop taking jank food brands and replace it with brands that are interested in producing healthy food. Governments will help us to rescue our children’s health. Some people believe sugar only affects people who had diseases. To give you an idea, they only prevent a person with diabetes from eating a lot of sweets. Also someones didn’t have a lot information about the real dangers for jank foods but when governments put laws and educate people for that, they will change them lives. In conclusion, we must change our daily routine to make it more than healthy, to let our children acquire these habits from us.
Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health? When we save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health, we can have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and productive society. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to enforce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
for saving our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health, to have strong children.

Reducing sugars and processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
disease.
For example
, eating too much sugar can lead to diabetes. Reducing the intake of this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
eat more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will replace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
snacks such as sweets with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
snacks such as dried fruits. Establishing strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
businessmen direct to open restaurants and centers for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
nutrition and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits. Such us, businessman will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
taking
Possible spelling mistake found.
jank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
brands and replace it with brands that
are interested
in producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us to rescue our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe sugar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who had diseases. To give you an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
a person with diabetes from eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
sweets.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
someones didn’t have
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of information"?
a lot information
about the real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
jank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for that, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our daily routine to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
acquire these habits from us.
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IELTS essay Save children’s health by laws

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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