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Some people think that university should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Other thinks that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of wheter the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university? v.1

Some people think that university should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Other thinks that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of wheter the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university? v. 1
These days, many young guys decide to join university and to complete their education acquiring a degree, before directly diving in the world job. However, some people claim that there is a huge edge to overcome for many graduates, or rather their inability to effectively work. In this essay I will examine some of the problems related to these issues and then propose some solutions. One of the biggest problem is facing a workplace in which some specific skills are required that graduates have never learnt. This means that many courses offer a wide range of knowledge, but sometime they lack to teach practical skills. To tackle with this problem, universities could invest more money to support practical additional parts within a course; in other words, some tuitions should include how to deal with practical problems. Another issue is that many companies required already skilled students, that have experienced how to cope with some daily problems within the offices. In this case, however, the issue can be directly addressed by the companies that should understand that is quite rare to have a complete and deep education in all the imaginable field, right after the degree. This is to say that all employers should scale back their needs and should encourage young graduates to join their workplace, promoting some tutoring with experienced colleagues. On the other hand, I strongly believe that the majority of responsibilities are related to students. This is because, graduates have been plenty of opportunities to learn as much as they can and they cannot pretend to be driven in all steps of their educational growth. The way forward for graduates, could be to learn also be themselves how to acquire specific skills that could be useful in their future job. To sum up, there are some duties that universities have and that they have to tackle with, but I in my view the main problem is about prejudices both of employers and students that believed that graduates should not learn anymore after their degree.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young guys decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
university and to complete their education acquiring a degree,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
directly
diving in the world job.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that there is a huge edge to overcome for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
, or
rather
their inability to
effectively
work.

In this essay I will examine
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
related to these issues and then propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

One of the biggest
Please check whether a plural form of 'problem' should be used.
problem
is facing a workplace in which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are required
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
have never
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
. This means that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
courses offer a wide range of knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
sometime they lack to teach practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To tackle with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, universities could invest more money to support practical additional parts within a course;
in other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
should include how to deal with practical problems.

Another issue is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
required already skilled students, that have experienced how to cope with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
within the offices.
In this case
,
however
, the issue can be
directly
addressed by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that should understand
that is
quite rare to have a complete and deep education in all the imaginable field, right after the degree. This is to say that all employers should scale back their needs and should encourage young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
their workplace, promoting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tutoring with experienced colleagues.

On the other hand
, I
strongly
believe that the majority of responsibilities
are related
to students. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of opportunities to learn as much as they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
can and
they cannot pretend to
be driven
in all steps of their educational growth. The way forward for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
, could be to learn
also
be themselves how to acquire specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that could be useful in their future job.

To sum up, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
duties that universities have and that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
tackle with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I in my view the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is about prejudices both of employers and students that believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
should not learn anymore after their degree.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that university should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Other thinks that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of wheter the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
337 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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