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Some people think that they can be encouraged through sporting events like olympics. Others think that there are more better ways to encourage adults for exercise. Discuss both and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that they can be encouraged through sporting events like olympics. Others think that there are more better ways to encourage adults for exercise. v. 2
Today people are living a busy life where one finds hardly any time for a regular exercise. To encourage more people towards physical activities some people think that the raising euphoria of big sporting events like Olympics may do the magic while others believe that there are numerous other ways. I believe that interest in sporting events along with raising awareness about benefits of exercise and motivation from parents are necessary and this essay will discuss their role in increasing interest in exercise. To begin with, sporting events today draw attention from people all over the world and has successfully given birth to some big heroes in sports that have inspired millions. Young or old, everyone finds their heroes and aspire to gain the physical fitness and strength like them. For Instance, the swimming star Michael Phelps successfully increased the interest of people towards swimming, which resulted in increase in number of people attending swimming classes. Rising popularity of sports has inspired children to take it more seriously and has helped draw people towards stadiums and parks. However, these big events occur after a long wait and people need constant motivation to exercise. Masses can be encouraged to exercise through awareness programs and with the help of self-motivated parents. Doing daily exercise had many benefits that needs to be told and spread among population. Along with this, parents should take time from their busy routines and accompany their kids to park or enrol them to sports club. A daily visit to park would increase physical activity in children who otherwise find themselves hooked to television or mobile. Moreover, parents should play outdoor games with kids and draw their attention towards benefits of exercise. To conclude, a medal for a country on a big platform like Olympics can inspire millions towards sports while encouragement and involvement of parents towards physical activities of children can make future generation return to good old ways of healthy living that existed before internet age.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living a busy life where one finds hardly any time for a regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. To encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the raising euphoria of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like Olympics may do the magic while others believe that there are numerous other ways. I believe that interest in sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
along with raising awareness about benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and motivation from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are necessary and this essay will discuss their role in increasing interest in exercise.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
draw attention from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world and has
successfully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
birth to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
heroes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that have inspired millions. Young or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, everyone finds their heroes and aspire to gain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness and strength like them.
For Instance
, the swimming star Michael Phelps
successfully
increased the interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards swimming, which resulted in increase in number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attending swimming classes. Rising popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has inspired children to take it more
seriously
and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
draw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards stadiums and parks.

However
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
occur after a long wait and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need constant motivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. Masses can
be encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
through awareness programs and with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of self-motivated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Doing daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits that needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
and spread among population. Along with this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take time from their busy routines and accompany their kids to park or enrol them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
club. A daily visit to park would increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity in children who
otherwise
find themselves hooked to television or mobile.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should play outdoor games with kids and draw their attention towards benefits of exercise.

To conclude
, a medal for a country on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
platform like Olympics can inspire millions towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
while encouragement and involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities of children can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
future generation return to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ways of healthy living that existed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
internet age.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that they can be encouraged through sporting events like olympics. Others think that there are more better ways to encourage adults for exercise. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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