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Some people think that there should be strict laws to control the amount of noise a person makes because of the disturbance it causes to people. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v.3

Some people think that there should be strict laws to control the amount of noise a person makes because of the disturbance it causes to people. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v. 3
It is true that these days, we, humans are truly responsible for generating a great amount of rubbish. In a sense, I do believe that too many choices we have as well as a number of construction processes are the roots of the problem and governments can take several steps to mitigate the alarming situation. Firstly, we are living in a fast-paced and global world offering an excessive number of options followed by posing to have more rubbish produced. In other words, we might, for example, want to have brand new clothes or other electronic gadgets instead of using the old ones regularly. Thus the outdated products and items might be thrown into the trash cans which add up to increase the assembled rubbish there. Secondly, at present many people and organizations are immersed in building modern buildings. After having been built any construction the remaining materials might also be sent to the waste material gatherings. There are several measures the government can apply to eliminate the existing rubbish problem. For example, the authority can simply organize some pressure groups around the country to raise awareness of the public about the crippling repercussions of producing more rubbish. This process can also be undertaken by means of social media such as TV or internet. Another way forward for the government can be to introduce new laws concerning generating rubbish. To be more precise, these likely laws can regulate the situation and punish with charges those people who are producing the rubbish. Last but not least, the government should limit the construction procedures in number along with recycling more waste materials posed by the building process. In conclusion, although the amount of rubbish is being produced more than ever I firmly believe that there are some remedies available to be taken by the government to tackle the issue.
It is true that these days, we, humans are
truly
responsible for generating a great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rubbish
. In a sense, I do believe that too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
choices we have
as well
as a number of construction processes are the roots of the problem and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can take several steps to mitigate the alarming situation.

Firstly
, we are living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced and global world offering an excessive number of options followed by posing to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rubbish
produced.
In other words
, we might,
for example
, want to have
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
clothes or other electronic gadgets
instead
of using the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ones
regularly
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the outdated products and items might
be thrown
into the trash cans which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
up to increase the assembled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rubbish
there.
Secondly
, at present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and organizations
are immersed
in building modern buildings.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
having
been built
any construction the remaining materials might
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the waste material gatherings.

There are several measures the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can apply to eliminate the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rubbish
problem.
For example
, the authority can
simply
organize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pressure groups around the country to raise awareness of the public about the crippling repercussions of producing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rubbish
. This process can
also
be undertaken by means of social media such as TV or internet. Another way forward for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can be to introduce new laws concerning generating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rubbish
. To be more precise, these likely laws can regulate the situation and punish with charges those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are producing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rubbish
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should limit the construction procedures in number along with recycling more waste materials posed by the building process.

In conclusion
, although the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rubbish
is
being produced
more than ever I
firmly
believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remedies available to
be taken
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to tackle the issue.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people think that there should be strict laws to control the amount of noise a person makes because of the disturbance it causes to people. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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