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Some people think that there are some benefits for students of studying the science of food and the way to prepare it, whilst others consider that it is better to spend time on more important subjects.

Some people think that there are some benefits for students of studying the science of food and the way to prepare it, whilst others consider that it is better to spend time on more important subjects. 956ex
Some people think that there are some benefits for students of studying the science of food and the way to prepare it, whilst others consider that it is better to spend time on more important subjects. I will discuss both views and give own opinion in this essay. On the one hand, students should learn food science and how it is prepared for several reasons. The first reason would be that studying about the science of food will help students to have strong body and study well. Students spend a lot of time on studying so they do not have any free time to do exercises. If they eat a number of fast foods, they will be obesity. The fact that some students who are fat will be derided when they go to school. As a result, the score of them in school will decline and it may impact on their psychology. Secondly, learning how to cook healthy food helps students become independence and save more money. Some students study aboard early when they are only nine or eleven years old so if they know how to cook healthy food, they can take care of themselves carefully not to need help by others. Fast foods are really convenient with students but they are also expensive than buying materials to cook. On the other hand, I believe that it is more beneficial for students to spending more time on learning main subject. Firstly, academic subjects such as maths, literature, english give children more knowledge about their jobs in the future. For example, if students have a dream to become engineer, which is a career not included in the science of food, they will not be necessary to learn it maybe waste their times. Secondly, studying all subjects in their school are really pressure so studying more about food science will make students stressed. Learning one more subject means that more homework is assigned. Therefore, students have to do all of this and the result of this is they are stressed and do not have any free time to relax and do something they like
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Some
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people
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think
that there are
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some
benefits for
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students
of
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studying
the
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science
of
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food
and the way to prepare it, whilst others consider that it is better to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on more
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important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I will discuss both views and give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion in this essay.

On the one hand,
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students
should learn
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food
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science
and how it
is prepared
for several reasons. The
first
reason would be that
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studying
about the
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science
of
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food
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
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students
to have strong body and study well.
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Students
spend
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a lot of
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time
on
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studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not have any free
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time
to do exercises. If they eat a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, they will be obesity. The fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
will
be derided
when they go to school.
As a result
, the score of them in school will decline and it may impact on their psychology.
Secondly
, learning how to cook healthy
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food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
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students
become independence and save more money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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students
study aboard early when they are
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only
nine or eleven years
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old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they know how to cook healthy
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food
, they can take care of themselves
carefully
not to need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
by others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
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foods
are
really
convenient with
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students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
also
Use "(expensive)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
expensive
than buying materials to cook.

On the other hand
, I believe that it is more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on learning main
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subject
.
Firstly
, academic
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subjects
such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
, literature,
Possible spelling mistake found.
english
give children more knowledge about their jobs in the future.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a dream to become engineer, which is a career not included in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
of
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food
, they will not be necessary to learn it maybe waste their
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times
.
Secondly
,
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studying
all
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subjects
in their school are
really
pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
more about
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food
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science
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
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students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
. Learning one more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
means that more homework
is assigned
.
Therefore
,
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students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do all of this and the result of this is they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and do not have any free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax and do something they like
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IELTS essay Some people think that there are some benefits for students of studying the science of food and the way to prepare it, whilst others consider that it is better to spend time on more important subjects.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
352 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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