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Describe an article on health you read in a magazine or on the internet.

Describe an article on health you read in a magazine or on the internet. 7J3a3
I believe that the habit of reading is one of the best qualities that a person can possess. It is not only useful in getting knowledge about different topics but also ALLEVIATES stress. That being the reason, I try to read different articles from magazines, newspapers, and other possible sources. A couple of days ago, I came across an article that was on health issues. It was in a newspaper/ magazine/ internet. That was a really eyeopening article. It included the reasons why, nowadays, everyone is suffering from different health issues, regardless of age. Gone are the days when the noise of children playing outside of their home was a common thing. In the bygone era, children used to eagerly wait for the evening so that they can play different games with their friends whereas elders loved spending time in the parks to take fresh air while walking. Now, technology has replaced everything. Everyone can be seen busy on a mobile phone. Moreover, people have adapted a SEDENTARY LIFESTYLE because of over-dependence on technology. They don't like to do physical movements. Even for going to STONE'S THROW AWAY places, individuals use their private vehicles. In addition to this, some have become COUCH POTATO. These things negatively impact human health. That's why even children of young age become PREY of different diseases. The article even included that today's youngsters do not have that level of energy which the GREY HAIRED people of previous years had. Consumption of fast food has also skyrocketed which has a detrimental impact on health. That day I realized how bad my lifestyle is. Luckily, the article also included ways to be HALE AND HEARTY. I have started following the ways to save myself from becoming the prey of dangerous diseases.
I believe that the habit of reading is one of the best qualities that a person can possess.

It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
useful in getting knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
topics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
ALLEVIATES
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. That being the reason, I try to read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
articles
from magazines, newspapers, and other possible sources.

A couple of days ago, I came across an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
that was on health issues. It was in a newspaper/ magazine/ internet. That was a
really
eyeopening article.

It included the reasons why, nowadays, everyone is suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
health issues, regardless of age. Gone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the days when the noise of children playing
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their home was a common thing.

In the bygone era, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
eagerly
wait for the evening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
games with their friends whereas elders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
spending time in the parks to take fresh air while walking.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, technology has replaced everything. Everyone can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
busy on a mobile phone.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have adapted a SEDENTARY LIFESTYLE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of over-dependence on technology.

They don't like to do physical movements. Even for going to STONE'S THROW AWAY places, individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their private vehicles.

In addition
to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
have become COUCH POTATO. These things
negatively
impact human health.

That's why even children of young age become PREY of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
diseases.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
even included that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's youngsters do not have that level of energy which the GREY HAIRED
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of previous years had.

Consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food has
also
skyrocketed which has a detrimental impact on health.

That day I realized how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
my lifestyle is. Luckily, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
also
included ways to be HALE AND HEARTY.

I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
following the ways to save myself from becoming the prey of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases.
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IELTS essay Describe an article on health you read in a magazine or on the internet.

Essay
  American English
14 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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