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Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of the most people’s lives. other think that the adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. discuss both views

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of the most people’s lives. other think that the adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. discuss both views d6Kr
Every person has different experience about happiness. Some individual thinks that they were happy in their childhood while, some things that they are happy in their adulthood. this essay emphasis on the same notion of both views. Certainly there are several reasons why people are happy in their childhood. The foremost reason is teenage is the age of dreams where people imagine their world by their own thinking. It is the age of making memorable moments which can make them happy in their adulthood by remembering those moments. Moreover, in teenage, people do not have a burden of greater responsibilities like adults do also, people do not have financial burden. Further more, they do not have to worry about their career because they are guided by their parents. Pertaining to these major reasons, people live their happiest life in their childhood. However, there are several reasons why people live their happiest life in adulthood, in spite of responsibilities. Firstly, the adulthood is that age when people can make their dreams comes true which they have imagine to achieve in their childhood. People get the freedom in the adulthood of doing anything they want. Moreover, they can take their decision of their life while, children do not get that freedom as they are always guided by their parents. Moving further, People are becoming more independent so they can take care of their responsibilities by fulfil their own desires. Therefore, it gives them a reason to live life on their happiness. To conclude, taking both aspects into consideration I believe that both are happy in their own life. Teenagers are happy as they do not have burden of responsibilities while, adults are happy because, they get the freedom which they do not get in their childhood.
Every person has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experience about happiness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that they were
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happy
in their childhood while,
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some
things that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
in their adulthood.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
essay emphasis on the same notion of both views.

Certainly
there are several
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reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
in their childhood. The foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is teenage is the age of dreams where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
imagine their world by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
thinking. It is the age of making memorable moments which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
in their adulthood by remembering those moments.
Moreover
, in teenage,
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people
do not have a burden of greater
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responsibilities
like adults do
also
,
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people
do not have financial burden.
Further
more, they do not
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have to
worry about their career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are guided
by their parents. Pertaining to these major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their happiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in their childhood.

However
, there are several
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reasons
why
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their happiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in adulthood,
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in spite of
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responsibilities
.
Firstly
, the adulthood is that age when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their dreams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
true which they have
The verb 'imagine' is used with the gerund form: "imagine achieving".
imagine to achieve
in their childhood.
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People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the freedom in the adulthood of doing anything they want.
Moreover
, they can take their decision of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
while, children do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that freedom as they are always guided by their parents. Moving
further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are becoming more independent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
by fulfil their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
desires.
Therefore
, it gives them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on their happiness.

To conclude
, taking both aspects into consideration I believe that both are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
as they do not have burden of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
while, adults are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the freedom which they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in their childhood.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of the most people’s lives. other think that the adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. discuss both views

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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