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some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in despite of great responsibilities. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.7

some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in despite of great responsibilities. v. 7
It is axiomatic that happiness is a crucial sentiment for all ages. However, there is a sparkled debate about which age holds happier times. While some people contend that teenage years are the happiest, I firmly agree with others who claim that adults’ lives are happier, regardless of responsibilities. In the following lines both views will be demonstrated. Firstly, those who think that adolecence is the happiest stage in one’s life argue that youngsters have no worries about financial issues, in addition to that they have a widely paternal care which may bring relief to them. While it seems to be a positive point in favor of this age, some researches have been confessing that this age has serious hitches with their life. For example, a research that published by Egyptian association in 2015 admitted that about sixty percent of suicide rates in Egypt is committed between thirteen and eighteen years old. Which means that adolescence is deemed to be less happy than any age else, otherwise, why do they think of committing suicide? Secondly, I ardently support the opinion that adults are more delighted. The sensible reason for that is the reliability of matures have been taking their own decisions as well as choices. For example, determining day-to-day activities, choosing their own house, deciding which spots to travel, and so on. In other words, independence and liberty that adults may have, could bring significance pleasure to them. Nevertheless, despite considerable responsibilities, they may have to face harder challenges such as work issues, but it is acknowledged that challenges exist among ages even children, therefore it is not specific for adults. To conclude, both sides of the argument of whether teenagers or matures are happier have been discussed. In my perspective, an adult, with more degree of freedom, is happier than young youth.
It is axiomatic that happiness is a crucial sentiment for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
.
However
, there is a sparkled debate about which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
holds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happier
times. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
contend that teenage years are the happiest, I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with others who claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happier
, regardless of responsibilities. In the following lines both views will
be demonstrated
.

Firstly
, those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
adolecence
is the happiest stage in one’s life argue that youngsters have no worries about financial issues,
in addition
to that they have a
widely
paternal care which may bring relief to them. While it seems to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
point in favor of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researches have been confessing that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
has serious hitches with their life.
For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
that published by Egyptian association in 2015 admitted that about sixty percent of suicide rates in Egypt
is committed
between thirteen and eighteen years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. Which means that adolescence
is deemed
to be less happy than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
else,
otherwise
, why do they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of committing suicide?

Secondly
, I
ardently
support the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are more delighted. The sensible reason for
that is
the reliability of matures have been taking their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions
as well
as choices.
For example
, determining day-to-day activities, choosing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, deciding which spots to travel, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In other words
, independence and liberty that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
may have, could bring significance pleasure to them.
Nevertheless
, despite considerable responsibilities, they may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face harder challenges such as work issues,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
is acknowledged
that challenges exist among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
even children,
therefore
it is not specific for adults.

To conclude
, both sides of the argument of whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
or matures are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happier
have
been discussed
. In my perspective, an adult, with more degree of freedom, is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happier
than young youth.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in despite of great responsibilities. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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