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Some people think that the teenage ages are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. v.3

Some people think that the teenage ages are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. v. 3
Adolescent period is argued as the most enjoyable by some people, whereas others are of opinion that being adults makes us happier. The bone of contention here is which period of life brings more happiness to the masses. This essay will discuss the perception of the meaning of happiness by both age groups and finally my opinion. At the outset, it is believed that there are several reasons for a teenager to be happy; firstly there is no millstone around their neck like family, children, financial issues, work pressure and so on. So they could feel the fresh air, stay motivated, energetic and optimistic. Moreover, they would be able to manage their time properly because they would be taken care of by their parents. This naturally makes them to have no reasons to worry about, so they might find happiness in whatever they do. However, there is an even more defined joy while we are adults. It is argued that bringing happiness to others makes us happy, so doing our duties perfectly to our family, children and society would definitely yield a positive effect. Though the pressure due to the job, earning, saving have to be overcome, it should be accepted that our maturity to think lucidly and plan properly help us to manage these issues in a facile manner. More we take responsibilities the more we feel self-satisfied by taking care of everyone's need in a family. In a nutshell, Even though individuals are more thrilled during their teenage, the real mirth sprouts out when they get completely moulded as an adult. Enjoying everything after a deeper introspection about life is closer to the heart than the small happiness of childhood days. So, I strongly believe that adulthood is happier than the adolescence.
Adolescent period
is argued
as the most enjoyable by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, whereas others are of opinion that being adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us happier. The bone of contention here is which period of life brings more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to the masses. This essay will discuss the perception of the meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
by both age groups and
finally
my opinion.

At the outset, it
is believed
that there are several reasons for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
to be happy;
firstly
there is no millstone around their neck like family, children, financial issues, work pressure and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they could feel the fresh air, stay motivated, energetic and optimistic.
Moreover
, they would be able to manage their time
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would
be taken
care of by their parents. This
naturally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to have no reasons to worry about,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they might find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in whatever they do.

However
, there is an even more defined joy while we are adults. It
is argued
that bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us happy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
doing our duties
perfectly
to our family, children and society would definitely yield a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect. Though the pressure due to the job, earning, saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be overcome
, it should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that our maturity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
lucidly
and plan
properly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to manage these issues
Consider replacing "in a facile manner" with the adverb for "facile"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a facile manner
. More we take responsibilities the more we feel self-satisfied by taking care of everyone's need in a family.

In a nutshell,
Even though
individuals are more thrilled during their teenage, the real mirth sprouts out when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
completely
Possible spelling mistake found.
moulded
as an adult. Enjoying everything after a deeper introspection about life is closer to the heart than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
of childhood days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
strongly
believe that adulthood is happier than the adolescence.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the teenage ages are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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