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Some people think that the salaries paid to professional sportspersons are too high, while others think that sports salaries are fair. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think that the salaries paid to professional sportspersons are too high, while others think that sports salaries are fair. Discuss both views and give your opinion PXwrJ
It is true that nowadays, the question of whether or not to pay non-discriminatory salaries to every sportsperson still remains a source of controversy While some people believed that these salaries should be paid to professional players with high figures, I would argue that they are necessary for the following reasons. On the one hand, sportspersons do not provide vital services for society in general. There is no denying that people can live happily without sports as there are a huge number of other ways for them to keep fit and stay healthy such as eating on diet or doing their habits like a routine. This is a reason why some people argue that professional football players and being paid prominent salaries by simply kicking a ball. In addition, in modern society, there is a wide range of essential professionals including teachers and nurses who have by far lower salaries. As an illustration, a recent study by RMIT University found that the average salary of a high school teacher in Viet Nam is only about 300. US dollars per month, while the average income of Vietnamese' is 500 US dollars. In spite of paying high salaries for players, it must be curb public sending on hospitals, schools, and a welfare state for the pool. On the other hand, paying fair salaries for every sports player is the way to improve their living standard of them. It is clear that many sportsperson especially female athletes or those in unpopular sports can not earn enough money to cover the ever-increasing living Cost. If they receive sponsors from businesses or are paid non-discriminatory salaries, they will focus on their careers as well as their performance, and even try setting a record in athletics meetings. As a result, it brings benefits to the whole sports industry, which account for merely 10 percent of the total budget of the developed countries such as Korea, Germany, or Italy. In conclusion, it seems to me that it is better to disburse high salaries to professional sportsperson since that can make slower development of the other important sector of the economy and some professionals, even when it is leading to unfairness for weaker sex in the sports industry in particular.
It is true that nowadays,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
or not to pay non-discriminatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
to every sportsperson
still
remains a source of controversy While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believed that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
should
be paid
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
figures, I would argue that they are necessary for the following reasons.

On the one hand,
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportspersons
do not provide vital services for society
in general
. There is no denying that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as there are a huge number of other ways for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit and stay healthy such as eating on diet or doing their habits like a routine. This is a reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
and
being paid
prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
by
simply
kicking a ball.
In addition
, in modern society, there is a wide range of essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
including teachers and nurses who have by far lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
. As an illustration, a recent study by
Possible spelling mistake found.
RMIT
University found that the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school teacher in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 300. US dollars per month, while the average income of Vietnamese' is 500 US dollars.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be curb public sending on hospitals, schools, and a welfare state for the pool.

On the other hand
, paying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
is the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living standard of them. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sportsperson
especially
female athletes or those in unpopular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can not earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to cover the ever-increasing living Cost. If they receive sponsors from businesses or
are paid
non-discriminatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
, they will focus on their careers
as well
as their performance, and even try setting a record in athletics meetings.
As a result
, it brings benefits to the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
industry, which account for
merely
10 percent of the total budget of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
such as Korea, Germany, or Italy.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that it is better to disburse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
sportsperson since that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
slower development of the other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sector of the economy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, even when it is leading to unfairness for
This expression can be considered offensive.
weaker sex
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
industry
in particular
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the salaries paid to professional sportspersons are too high, while others think that sports salaries are fair. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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