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Some people think that the parties are beneficial for Entertainment whereas other believe that people waste your money and time on parties discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think that the parties are beneficial for Entertainment whereas other believe that people waste your money and time on parties discuss both views and give your opinion yRMQg
Nowadays, majority of individuals reckon that for the purpose of entertainment parties are best. However, other believe that people waste huge amount of money and precious time in parties. I will expatiate both in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, Pointing out the benefits of parties. The prominent one is, these days mostly individual have a hectic schedule and they do not spend time with families and children. In parties every person spend time with each other and enjoy different activities. As a result, these parties are best for individual to rejuvinate their mind. Moreover, they feel monotonous and less energetic by doing same work on regular basis. Consequently, parties act as a stress buster for them as individual forgot stress and enjoy quality time with your near and dear ones. However, In this modern Era mostly dwellers organise expensive parties to show off in front of society. Therefore, They waste massive amount of money which is not needed because one can enjoy same parties with limited money. Apart from it, In the Jungle nation it has become a trend to organise parties on different occasions. For instance, Mostly youngsters go for parties on weekends as well as organise birthday parties which consume their a lot of money and time. Furthermore, People also waste money on food as they make a various cuisines and one cannot eat all kind of food. In conclusion, Although the parties act as a stress buster as well as people can entertain them self. According to me, They should organise less parties and spend limited money so they can you do a parties and save their money
Nowadays,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
reckon that for the purpose of entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
are best.
However
, other believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
waste huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
. I will expatiate both in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, Pointing out the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
. The prominent one is, these days
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
have a hectic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
schedule and
they do not spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with families and children. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
every person spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with each other and enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
are best for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
rejuvinate
their mind.
Moreover
, they feel monotonous and less energetic by doing same work on regular basis.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
act as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster for them as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
forgot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and enjoy quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with your near and dear ones.
However
, In this modern Era
mostly
dwellers
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off in front of society.
Therefore
, They waste massive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which is not needed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
one can enjoy same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
with limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Apart from it, In the Jungle nation it has become a trend to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
occasions.
For instance
,
Mostly
youngsters go for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
on weekends
as well
as
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
which consume
Did you mean "there"?
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
also
waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on food as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a various cuisines and one cannot eat all kind of food.
In conclusion
, Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
act as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can entertain them self.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, They should
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun parties is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
and spend limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can you do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
and save their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
money

IELTS essay Some people think that the parties are beneficial for Entertainment whereas other believe that people waste your money and time on parties discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
271 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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