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In some places, teenagers are encourage to get part-time jobs while they are still in school Do the advantages of teenagers working outweigh the disadvantages?

In some places, teenagers are encourage to get part-time jobs while they are still in school Do the advantages of teenagers working outweigh the disadvantages? Q2mAw
It is a common belief that undergraduate students should apply for part-time jobs while they are still studying at school. However, there is a more persuasive argument that getting half-time jobs could cause students many negative outcomes. On the one hand, encouraging students to get temporary jobs can really be an effective way to improve their problem-solving abilities. Thus, students can apply these skills to resolve life issues in general and in particular their academic performance. As an illustration, technical students attending their program can simultaneously apply for related jobs such as software engineer, digital devices installer, etc. , in some employee-required companies. As a result, they can gain experience for both their education and future career. On the other hand, I am of the opinion that the mentioned theories are at the expense of more concerning drawbacks. Generally speaking, studying as a student and working as a part-time employee at the same time will not only put students under extreme pressure but also worsen their health condition. As a matter of fact, in no circumstances, Vietnamese college students, specifically in medical must follow a strict education program in order to pass their periodic exam with flying colors. As a result, should they keep themselves busy with their temporary jobs, they won't have enough time to study and refresh themselves to stabilize their intellect performance. Otherwise, not only will they mess their curriculum up but also burden themselves with negative thoughts. In conclusion, while it is undeniable the advantages for students to get part-time jobs, several consequences are far too risky to approve.
It is a common belief that undergraduate
students
should apply for part-time
jobs
while they are
still
studying at school.
However
, there is a more persuasive argument that getting half-time
jobs
could cause
students
many
negative
outcomes.

On the one hand, encouraging
students
to
get
temporary
jobs
can
really
be an effective way to
improve
their problem-solving abilities.
Thus
,
students
can apply these
skills
to resolve life issues
in general
and
in particular
their academic performance. As an illustration, technical
students
attending their program can
simultaneously
apply for related
jobs
such as software engineer, digital
devices
installer, etc.
,
in
some
employee-required
companies
.
As a result
, they can gain experience for both their education and future career.

On the other hand
, I am of the opinion that the mentioned theories are at the expense of more concerning drawbacks.
Generally
speaking, studying as a
student
and working as a part-time employee at the same time will not
only
put
students
under extreme pressure
but
also
worsen their health condition. As a matter of fact, in no circumstances, Vietnamese college
students
,
specifically
in medical
must
follow a strict education program in order to pass their periodic exam with flying colors.
As a result
, should they
keep
themselves busy with their temporary
jobs
, they won't have
enough
time to study and refresh themselves to stabilize their intellect performance.
Otherwise
, not
only
will they mess their curriculum up
but
also
burden themselves with
negative
thoughts.

In conclusion
, while it is undeniable the advantages for
students
to
get
part-time
jobs
, several consequences are far too risky to approve.
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IELTS essay In some places, teenagers are encourage to get part-time jobs while they are still in school Do the advantages of teenagers working outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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