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Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy. v.2

Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy. v. 2
The bureaucrats should spend the finance on energy projects to motivate and give well-being awareness to the people to lead a healthy life instead of putting money on athletes trainings. While I agree athletes training is essential in every country, I believe that the government definitely spend the finance for health programmes. On the one hand, there are many reasons behind the way government spends credits on sports training. Firstly, it may possible to represent our country name in worldwide, if the athlete wins any medal in the Olympics. Secondly, not only academics, but also sports are necessary for people because they improve their fitness along with career aspects. For example, in 2017, The Hindu Times reported that the eminent sports star Sania won the gold medal in Olympic and represents the country name greatly On the other hand, the fitness projects are important for people to maintain a healthy life without effect much communicating diseases. In addition, it provides well-being awareness in all areas like rural and urban areas. And specifically in recent years people prone to get many communicable diseases like cholera, leprosy and tuberculosis. If bureaucrats spend money on the fitness projects, it may possible to reduce these types of diseases. For example, AIDS infection has been controlled nowadays by conducting awareness programmes. In conclusion, although, I agree that athletes training is an essential thing for the younger generation in recent years, I believe that health projects are necessary for people to maintain healthy for long life.
The bureaucrats should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the finance on energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
to motivate and give well-being awareness to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lead a healthy life
instead
of putting money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trainings
. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
is essential in every country, I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the finance for health
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons behind the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
credits on sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
.
Firstly
, it
The word 'possible' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
may possible
to represent our country name in worldwide, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
wins any medal in the Olympics.
Secondly
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
academics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
sports are necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their fitness along with career aspects.
For example
, in 2017, The Hindu Times reported that the eminent sports star
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sania
won the gold medal in Olympic and represents the country name
greatly


On the other hand
, the fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to maintain a healthy life without effect much communicating diseases.
In addition
, it provides well-being awareness in all areas like rural and urban areas. And
specifically
in recent years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communicable diseases like cholera, leprosy and tuberculosis. If bureaucrats
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
money on the fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
, it
The word 'possible' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
may possible
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
these types of diseases.
For example
, AIDS infection has
been controlled
nowadays by conducting awareness
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.

In conclusion
, although, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
is an essential thing for the younger generation in recent years, I believe that health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
are necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to maintain healthy for long life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
250 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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