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Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. kQJK
These days we can assume that there are main factors influencing a child's development, I totally agree with this opinion which recommends that television, friends, and music have a big role in our children characters development more than families. Every day we can find new movies which include a lot of different ways of thinking. In the past, we were having Tv programs which contains a big materiel of good morals for kids, but now I think it's so rare to find the same kinds of these programs on TV. I Believe that most of the crimes that happened in our community are related to the childhood history of the criminals, Unfortunately, there are a big amount of families that were not concentrated enough with their child about what he watches on TV, Who are his friends, what kind of music that he's addicted for it. A big mistake happens when parents start to think that their advice to their child is enough! without understanding that there're many other effects that could lead their child to be a completely different person. I can assure everyone for the first opinion Because I already have this experience in fact with my friends, They're having very good parents with good morals, and suddenly they got a big shock when they found their son or daughter started being a drug addict! That's why! Because they never started to ask themselves, What my child watch? What is he listening for? who are his friends? .
These days we can assume that there are main factors influencing a child's development, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion which recommends that television,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, and music have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
role in our children characters development more than families. Every day we can find new movies which include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways of thinking.

In the past, we were having
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
programs which contains a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
Did you mean "material" (= substance) or "matériel" (= military equipment)?
materiel
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
morals for kids,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
rare to find the same kinds of these programs on TV.

I Believe that most of the crimes that happened in our community
are related
to the childhood history of the criminals, Unfortunately, there are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
of families that were not concentrated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
about what he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
on TV, Who are his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, what kind of music that he's addicted for it.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
mistake happens when parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their advice to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
!
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
without
understanding that there're
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other effects that could lead their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to be a completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
person.

I can assure everyone for the
first
opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
I already have this experience in fact with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, They're having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
parents with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
morals, and
suddenly
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
shock when they found their son or daughter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
being a drug addict!

That's why!
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to ask themselves
If " What" starts an indirect question, you do not need to put a comma before it.
, What
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
? What is he listening for?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
who
are his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.