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Some people think that the internet will replace traditional books in the future. Do you believe this would be positive or a negative development? v.2

Some people think that the internet will replace traditional books in the future. Do you believe this would be positive or a negative development? v. 2
With the development of high-technology, the Internet has become more important tool in terms of education and study. According to this trend some people are putting forward an idea that the internet will be used to reading e-book in the future instead of classic books. This essay agree that this change exactly would be positive effect over education system, economy of countries and explain how it will connected these two fields each other. On the one hand, when we look at economic sides, all countries could much more benefit by using the internet services instead of traditional school books. As we know that each year thousands of trees are being cut down to produce paper because of continuing using books. This loop increases education expenditures of countries while rate of rain forest and green spaces that we will need in the future declines immediately. Denmark for example has been first country who passed law regarding using the internet as a major study tool in all educational institutes. According to government reports, they made huge profit for using e-book instead of printing school books and this result can be considered perfect example of why we should pay attention to the ınternet as the most effective item in our schools. On the other hand, the internet has been seen a wonderful place in which they can find all knowledge about their game, homework, entertainment by all students because, as pupils more interest in the internet, using it at education system may be more advantageous in compared to other materials. A recent research, done by Oxford Education Service, shown that students who are able to using the net and computer are as twice as successful in subject than other students who are unable to using these equipments. In conclusion, from my perspective of view it would bring more advantages rather than disadvantages and I strongly believe that we’ll see positive results of this trend in the near future.
With the development of high-technology, the Internet has become more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tool in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and study. According to this trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are putting forward an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the internet will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to reading e-book in the future
instead
of classic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
exactly would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system, economy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "connect"
connected
The verb 'fields' is singular. Did you mean: "these two field"?
these two fields
each other.

On the one hand, when we look at economic sides, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could much more benefit by using the internet services
instead
of traditional school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we know that each year thousands of trees are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down to produce paper
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of continuing using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. This loop increases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
expenditures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
while rate of rain forest and green spaces that we will need in the future declines immediately. Denmark
for example
has been
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
who passed law regarding using the internet as a major study tool in all educational institutes. According to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
reports, they made huge profit for using e-book
instead
of printing school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and this result can
be considered
perfect example of why we should pay attention to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
ınternet
as the most effective item in our schools.

On the other hand
, the internet has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a wonderful place in which they can find all knowledge about their game, homework, entertainment by all students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, as pupils more interest
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
, using it at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system may be more advantageous in compared to other materials.

A recent research, done by Oxford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
Service, shown that students who are able to using the net and computer are as twice as successful in subject than other students who are unable to using these equipments.

In conclusion
, from my perspective of view it would bring more advantages
rather
than disadvantages and I
strongly
believe that we’ll
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results of this trend in the near future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that the internet will replace traditional books in the future. Do you believe this would be positive or a negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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