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Some people believe that the internet will replace traditional books in the future. Do you believe this would be a positive or a negative development? v.1

Some people believe that the internet will replace traditional books in the future. Do you believe this would be a positive or a negative development? v. 1
Replacing the high-technology is mostly occurred in terms of education and study in this contemporary world. However, some people are putting forward an idea that the internet will be used to reading an e-book in the future instead of classic books. As I would state that this change exactly would be the positive effects over some of the human's aspects which will be discussed in this essay. On the one hand, there are several advantages of using the internet. First and foremost, it could develop the economic sides, all countries could much more benefit by using the internet services instead of traditional school books. As we know that each year thousands of trees are being cut down to produce paper because of continuing using books. This loop increases education expenditures of countries, while rate of rain forest and green spaces that we will need in the future declines immediately. Denmark has been first country who passed law by using the internet as a major study tool in all educational institutes, for example. According to government reports, they made huge profits for using an e-book instead of printing school books, and this result can be considered as a perfect sample of why we should pay attention to the internet as the most effective item either for student or other learner. Moreover, the internet has been seen as a wonderful technology in which they can find all knowledge what they need. Also, it can be utilised in a flexible time without any limitation, then the learners would be able to access more and more about various things. By this flexibility, the vast majority of people prefer something more sophisticated in this era instead of manual thing, especially for students who need the certain materials in their school. A recent research, done by Oxford Education Service, shown that students who are able to using the net and computer are as twice as more successful in subject than other students who are unable to using these equipments. By way of conclusion, from my perspective of view, it would bring more advantages rather than disadvantages and I strongly believe that we will see positive results of this trend in the near future. By looking at its existence in supporting the development of economic, better environment as well as the flexibility in providing a huge information.
Replacing the high-technology is
mostly
occurred in terms of education and study in this contemporary world.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are putting forward an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the internet will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to reading an e-book in the future
instead
of classic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
I would state that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
exactly would be the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the
Possible typo. Did you mean: "human aspects"?
human's aspects
which will
be discussed
in this essay.

On the one hand, there are several advantages of using the internet.
First
and foremost, it could develop the economic sides, all countries could much more benefit by using the internet services
instead
of traditional school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we know that each year thousands of trees are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down to produce paper
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of continuing using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. This loop increases education expenditures of countries, while rate of rain forest and green spaces that we will need in the future declines immediately. Denmark has been
first
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
passed law by using the internet as a major study tool in all educational institutes,
for example
. According to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
reports, they made huge profits for using an e-book
instead
of printing school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, and this result can
be considered
as a perfect sample of why we should pay attention to the internet as the most effective item either for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
or other learner.

Moreover
, the internet has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a wonderful technology in which they can find all knowledge what they need.
Also
, it can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
in a flexible time without any limitation, then the learners would be able to access more and more about various things. By this flexibility, the vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer something more sophisticated in this era
instead
of manual thing,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
need the certain materials in their school. A recent research, done by Oxford Education Service, shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are able to using the net and computer are as twice as more successful in subject than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are unable to using these equipments.

By way of conclusion, from my perspective of view, it would bring more advantages
rather
than disadvantages and I
strongly
believe that we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results of this trend in the near future. By looking at its existence in supporting the development of economic, better environment
as well
as the flexibility in providing
'information' is a mass noun (i.e., uncountable). Therefore, the preceding 'a' is probably wrong.
a huge information
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the internet will replace traditional books in the future. Do you believe this would be a positive or a negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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