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Some people think that the government should use extra money to fund programs to improve the environment. Others think that it is better for the government to spend money to support artistic programs. Which option do you prefer? Use specific reasons a v.1

Some people think that the government should use extra money to fund programs to improve the environment. Others think that it is better for the government to spend money to support artistic programs. Which option do you prefer? Use specific reasons a v. 1
Developed countries often provide the third world countries with some financial support; nevertheless, it does not solve poverty effectively. Instead, it is argued that the poor countries should be supported by alternative forms of aid. From my perspective, I completely agree with this statement. This essay will state why the affluent countries should not give economic assistance to poorer nations and some possible types of help can be offered. First and foremost, it is believed that the true meaning of help is the results that the recipient can achieve. Indeed, when the poor countries are provided with economic help from the wealthy ones, they will gradually become independent on the finances they are given. Obviously, money is a short-term solution to temporary problems. In other words, it cannot tackle the poverty issue in developing countries. In contrast, the poor nations are less likely to develop with financial aid. Thus, the wealthy countries should offer alternative forms of support. There are some different kinds of aid that the rich nations can offer to address this problem. At first, instead of giving financial help, they can organize a wide range of essential educational courses for young people such as computer science, technology, soft skills. All of these courses would help them have a better education which can bring them more opportunities for finding well-paid jobs. Additionally, investing in some potential sectors in poorer countries can be a promising support. For instance, the first world countries like USA, Canada opens their national companies in some poorer countries as India, Pakistan, which can create jobs for local citizens and decrease unemployment rates effectively. In conclusion, in place of giving capital, the rich nations can provide some other helps to the less affluent countries. In the long run, the alternative forms of help can bring more advantages to these nations.
Developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
provide the third world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
financial support;
nevertheless
, it does not solve poverty
effectively
.
Instead
, it
is argued
that the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
be supported
by alternative forms of aid. From my perspective, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. This essay will state why the affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should not give economic assistance to poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
can
be offered
.

First
and foremost, it
is believed
that the true meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
is the results that the recipient can achieve.
Indeed
, when the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are provided
with economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from the wealthy ones, they will
gradually
become independent on the finances they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.
Obviously
, money is a short-term solution to temporary problems.
In other words
, it cannot tackle the poverty issue in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
In contrast
, the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are less likely to develop with financial aid.
Thus
, the wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should offer alternative forms of support.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of aid that the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can offer to address this problem. At
first
,
instead
of giving financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
, they can organize a wide range of essential educational courses for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
such as computer science, technology, soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. All of these courses would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them have a better education which can bring them more opportunities for finding well-paid jobs.
Additionally
, investing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential sectors in poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can be a promising support.
For instance
, the
first
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the USA".
like USA
, Canada opens their national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as India, Pakistan, which can create jobs for local citizens and decrease unemployment rates
effectively
.

In conclusion
, in place of giving capital, the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to the less affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In the long run, the alternative forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
can bring more advantages to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should use extra money to fund programs to improve the environment. Others think that it is better for the government to spend money to support artistic programs. Which option do you prefer? Use specific reasons a v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Some people think that the government should use extra money to fund programs to improve the environment. Others think that it is better for the government to spend money to support artistic programs. Which option do you prefer? Use specific reasons a v.1