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Some people think that the government should spend money on adult’s population who can’t read and write while other not. To what extend to you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that the government should spend money on adult’s population who can’t read and write while other not. v. 1
Education in a general is the first priority of the most governments in the nations. The ministry of education in many countries continually develops programs to improve and enhance the level of education. One of these programs is a literacy of all adults. In this essay, I agree that the governments should allocate all the resources required to erase the illiteracy of young people. The reason behind that the governments have to pay attention to this issue is the benefits that will gain from supporting this program. One of these benefits, it will reduce the unemployment people and give them an opportunity to contribute and build their community. For example, Japan has declared officially in 2015 that its reach to zero level of this matter. The governments have to be aware of advantages of educating the ignorant. On the other hand, by looking closely to the countries that are ignored and avoiding helping adult's ability to read and write, they are suffering from high levels of unemployment. Obviously the developing countries are struggling with this issue comparing with developed one. For instance, if we compare Syria with Canada, we can easily notice the difference of educated people between the two countries. In conclusion, governments shall do whatever required procedures to ensure that their young population has a capability to read and write. This essay has proven that doing so will pay back to the governments not only the money spent but also society creative spirit
Education in a general is the
first
priority of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
in the nations. The ministry of education in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
continually
develops programs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and enhance the level of education. One of these programs is a literacy of all adults. In this essay, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should allocate all the resources required to erase the illiteracy of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The reason behind that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay attention to this issue is the benefits that will gain from supporting this program. One of these benefits, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the unemployment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and give them an opportunity to contribute and build their community.
For example
, Japan has declared
officially
in 2015 that its reach to zero level of this matter. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be aware of advantages of educating the ignorant.

On the other hand
, by looking
closely
to the countries that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
and avoiding helping adult's ability to read and write, they are suffering from high levels of unemployment.
Obviously
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are struggling with this issue comparing with developed one.
For instance
, if we compare Syria with Canada, we can
easily
notice the difference of educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
between the two countries.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
shall do whatever required procedures to ensure that their young population has a capability to read and write. This essay has proven that doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
will pay back to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the money spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
society creative
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
spirit
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should spend money on adult’s population who can’t read and write while other not. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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