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Education for young people is important in many countries. However, the others think government should spend more money for education in adult population who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Education for young people is important in many countries. However, the others think government should spend more money for education in adult population who cannot read and write. v. 3
Some individuals opine that it is best to be in the worst situation, such as dissatisfying job or lack of funds, while others argue that it is preferable to try and improve your circumstances. This essay will discuss both views in further detail. On one hand, people see through their failures as a success and in order to excel their career and gain practical experience, they continue to be employed in an organisation which is not providing the employees with a good pay. That is why they don't enjoy their work and ultimately, they welcome low income or non-satisfying role in a company. For example, a survey report submitted by the colour drag force revealed, that more than 25% of people prefer to work in those situations because they have no other choice and they feel that they might not find the opportunity elsewhere if they quit. On the other hand, there are other people who animadvert, that it is vital to try in other multinational companies and improve own financial situations because in these companies they provide good benefits to the employees, high income, flexible working hours and the number of annual holidays which leads to high job satisfaction. To illustrate, a survey report submitted by real-tech agency stated that nearly 55% of people who work in challenging roles in multinational companies feel job satisfaction, security and they feel their situation has progressed and they make a good standard of living with their high income. Moreover, they get instant promotions within a few months. To conclude, this essay discussed why accepting a bad situation at the workplace, such as low wage has its benefits, but why trying and improving your condition and moving to other high level companies is ultimately superior and beneficial in the long-run for professionals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals opine that it is best to be in the worst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, such as dissatisfying job or lack of funds, while others argue that it is preferable to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your circumstances. This essay will discuss both views in
further
detail.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
through their failures as a success and in order to excel their career and gain practical experience, they continue to
be employed
in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
which is not providing the employees with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
pay.
That is
why they don't enjoy their work and
ultimately
, they welcome low income or non-satisfying role in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
For example
, a survey report submitted by the
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
drag force revealed, that more than 25% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to work in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
choice and
they feel that they might not find the opportunity elsewhere if they quit.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who animadvert, that it is vital to try in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
they provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
benefits to the employees,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income, flexible working hours and the number of annual holidays which leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
job satisfaction. To illustrate, a survey report submitted by real-tech agency stated that
nearly
55% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work in challenging roles in multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
feel job satisfaction,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
security and
they feel their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
has
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
progressed and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
standard of living with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
instant promotions within a few months.

To conclude
, this essay discussed why accepting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
at the workplace, such as low wage has its benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why trying and improving your condition and moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is
ultimately
superior and beneficial in the long-run for professionals.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Education for young people is important in many countries. However, the others think government should spend more money for education in adult population who cannot read and write. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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