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Some people think that the government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists (including painters, musicians, poets) However other people argue that it is a waste of money. agree/disagree?

Some people think that the government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists (including painters, musicians, poets) However other people argue that it is a waste of money. agree/disagree? 0B8BB
A significant number of people argue that expenditure on arts, painters, and musicians by state authority is a waste of money. However, I partially agree with the proposed thought and the reasons for my inclination are articulated in trail paragraphs. To begin with, firstly, art is an ancient means of communication and is differentiate us from animals. Art, sculpture, and music remind us of our ancestors and preserve the culture about our history, which led to learn the upcoming and younger generation. Government should encourage and assist artists with the platform, consequently, it gives employment to creators. In addition, the originator not only flourished the economy of the respective nation but also earned recognization forthe nation globally. Lastly, providing them job opportunities, it also enhances their creativity and imagination, which assistto guide and attract foreign visitors. In sharp contrast, many other public services are paramount. Authorities should aid the nation with several amenities like therapeutical services, education services, and transportation services. Wealthy people can afford expensivehealthcare facilities, while for the destitute community, Government should provide cheaper diagnoses disease treatment, and training centers. Moreover, Education is dominant for each and every citizen of the nation, supporting teaching facilitiesincrease the ratio of literacy in the developing countries which led to less crime path and lessening unemployment. Authorities should enlarge the frequency of public transportation for society it is fructuous for the environment. To sum up, Art helps us to value our tradition and culture about ancient times and it is beneficial for the younger generation aswell as the economy of the country. Although, the government should not neglect the major concern services like medical andeducation facilities.
A significant number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that expenditure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, painters, and musicians by state authority is a waste of money.
However
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the proposed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
and the reasons for my inclination
are articulated
in trail paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an ancient means of communication and is
Consider using a past participle here: "differentiated".
differentiate
us from animals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
, sculpture, and music remind us of our ancestors and preserve the culture about our history, which led to learn the upcoming and younger generation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should encourage and assist artists with the platform,
consequently
, it gives employment to creators.
In addition
, the originator not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
flourished the economy of the respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
earned
Possible spelling mistake found.
recognization
Possible spelling mistake found.
forthe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
globally.
Lastly
, providing them job opportunities, it
also
enhances their creativity and imagination, which
Possible spelling mistake found.
assistto
guide and attract foreign visitors.

In sharp contrast,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are paramount. Authorities should aid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
with several amenities like
Possible spelling mistake found.
therapeutical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, and transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. Wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can afford
Possible spelling mistake found.
expensivehealthcare
facilities, while for the destitute community,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should provide cheaper diagnoses disease treatment, and training centers.
Moreover
, Education is dominant for each and every citizen of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, supporting teaching
Possible spelling mistake found.
facilitiesincrease
the ratio of literacy in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
which led to less crime path and lessening unemployment. Authorities should enlarge the frequency of public transportation for society it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
fructuous
for the environment.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to value our tradition and culture about ancient times and it is beneficial for the younger generation
Possible spelling mistake found.
aswell
as the economy of the country.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not neglect the major concern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
like medical
Possible spelling mistake found.
andeducation
facilities.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists (including painters, musicians, poets) However other people argue that it is a waste of money. agree/disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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