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Who do you think should be responsible for the care of the elderly, the family, or the government?

Who do you think should be responsible for the care of the elderly, the family, or the government? NW9nj
Nowadays taking care of elders has become a discussional topic among the whole society. Some people believe that government should be responsible for looking after senior citizens and providing them monetary supports, while others think that individual save money for the future. My view is that these two ideas do not contradict with each other. The government should pay attention to take care of elders because senior citizens have contributed enough to the society when they were young. The government should spare no effort to improve the living condition after elders retire. To be more specific, the government could establish free nursing home, by doing so, professional staff and equipped facilities could deal with physical condition of the grey generation. Furthermore, if the elderly stay with peers, it may reduce the possibility of being loneliness. Conversely, individuals should be responsible for saving sufficient money for their future life. This is mainly because the government has limited budget for other purposes. It is unrealistic for the elderly to totally rely on the government's pension which can only cover basic living expense, and then live in an enjoyable life. If senior citizens wish to have a decent twilight years, they must prepare a plan at early stage. Moreover, family should also be obligated to take care of the elderly. The elderly should be encouraged to live with family, by doing so, it can enhance family intimacy. As a result, they can get rid of loneliness by spending great time with their offspring. In conclusion, the government should definitely provide financial aid to senior citizens. Meanwhile, individuals should also save up for their retirement. But more importantly, looking after the old is the responsibility of every member of our society.
Nowadays taking care of elders has become a
Possible spelling mistake found.
discussional
topic among the whole society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be responsible for looking after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
and providing them monetary supports, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that individual save money for the future. My view is that these two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
do not contradict with each other.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should pay attention to take care of elders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
have contributed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to the society when they were young. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spare no effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the living condition after elders retire. To be more specific, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could establish free nursing home, by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, professional staff and equipped facilities could deal with physical condition of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
generation.
Furthermore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
stay with peers, it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the possibility of being loneliness.

Conversely
, individuals should be responsible for saving sufficient money for their future life. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has limited budget for other purposes. It is unrealistic for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
to
totally
rely on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's pension which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cover basic living expense, and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an enjoyable life. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
wish to have a decent twilight
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "year"?
years
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
prepare a plan at early stage.

Moreover
, family should
also
be obligated
to take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with family, by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it can enhance family intimacy.
As a result
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of loneliness by spending great time with their offspring.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should definitely provide financial aid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. Meanwhile, individuals should
also
save up for their retirement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
more
importantly
, looking after the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is the responsibility of every member of our society.
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IELTS essay Who do you think should be responsible for the care of the elderly, the family, or the government?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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