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Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artists and musicians. To what extent do you agree?

Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artists and musicians. gmw7
I totally disagree with this ideology that government should give funds to creative people. I am with the opinion that government should provide money or invest money for the only only poor people but also in making of centuries for preservation of natural habitat. Ideas articulated further in this discourse will support my stand and at the same time highlight certain contradictory views that others in the society might possibly have. The primary reason for my belief is the skill people not only can earn money by thier talant but also it can upgrade it skill. If a person is having a skills thy can easly early money by showcasing their talant. A research show that a creative people earn highest money. Another reason for me to uphold my view is government should first take care of the poor people. Governmet should provide some money to the people who are in the need of it. As a government data shows that unprivilage people show be helpe rather then the actors. On the other hand, there are individuals in the society who are of the outlook that funds should be provided to the artists. To promote there skill as other people can also earn money by that way. Other probaly thing would be that they will be needed money to keep their skill uptodate. Conclusion To conclude, there surely are those in the society who seem to be convinced with the fact that {present the contradictory opinion}, and they assumingly have all the right reasons to back their conviction. I, however, am of the firm opinion that {place your opinion-what} as/ since/ because/ for {justifying reasons -why}.
I
totally
disagree with this ideology that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give funds to creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I am with the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in making of centuries for preservation of natural habitat.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Ideas
articulated
further
in this discourse will support my stand and at

the same time highlight certain contradictory views that others in the society might
possibly
have.

The primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for my belief is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
Possible spelling mistake found.
talant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it can upgrade it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
a person is having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
thy can
Possible spelling mistake found.
easly
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by showcasing their
Possible spelling mistake found.
talant
. A research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that a creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
money.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for me to uphold my view is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
first
take care of the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Governmet
should provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are in the need of it.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
unprivilage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
be
Possible spelling mistake found.
helpe
rather
Did you mean "than"? 'than' is used for comparisons, 'then' is an expression of time.
then
the actors.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are individuals in the society who are of the outlook that funds should
be provided
to the artists. To promote there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by that way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
Possible spelling mistake found.
probaly
thing would be that they will
be needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
Possible spelling mistake found.
uptodate
.

Conclusion

To conclude
, there
surely
are those in the society who seem to
be convinced
with the fact that {present the contradictory opinion}, and they
Possible spelling mistake found.
assumingly
have all the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to back their conviction. I,
however
, am of the firm opinion that {place your opinion-what} as/ since/
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
/ for {justifying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
-why}.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artists and musicians.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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