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Some people think that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and access to the Internet

Some people think that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and access to the Internet JVxM0
Today, the number of unemployed people is increasing due to some economic problems. So many consider that giving unemployed phone and access to the Internet is beneficial. Thus, it is clear that this topic should be discussed meticulously. First of all, there is an argument that the Internet is a new platform where people can find magnificent job opportunities owing to the fact that the Internet has spread worldwide. For instance, there are a plethora of IT engineers in online surface who make money sitting in front of the screen. As a result, it is true that giving access to the Internet would raise chances of unemployed people to find a job. Secondly, there is no doubt that this action would decrease the number of people that are out-of-work owing to some reasons. For example, usage of public money to pay for phones and internet connection is the main purpose of gathering them. Consequently, the society would be grateful for prosperity and peace that this measure entails. On the other hand, it is undeniable that there are other problems that are required to be solved. As an example, poverty can be ceased with a help of that amount of money. Subsequently, it is possible that resolution of that problem would be a more effective way to country flourishing. Additionally, it is obvious that supporting unemployed people with access to the internet is very negative. It means that this measure spends a lot of time and money sources, offering no certainty. Therefore, it may appear dubious for some taxpayers and social outrange could occur. To conclude, it is certain that this issue has both negatives and positives. Personally, I believe that spending public money on out-of-work people is ineffective owing to vague incomes it proffers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increasing due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
economic problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
consider that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
phone and access to the Internet is beneficial.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that this topic should
be discussed
meticulously
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there is an argument that the Internet is a new platform where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can find magnificent job opportunities owing to the fact that the Internet has spread worldwide.
For instance
, there are a plethora of IT engineers in online surface who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
sitting in front of the screen.

As a result
, it is true that giving access to the Internet would raise chances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find a job.
Secondly
, there is no doubt that this action would decrease the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are out-of-work owing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
For example
, usage of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to pay for phones and internet connection is the main purpose of gathering them.

Consequently
, the society would be grateful for prosperity and peace that this measure entails.
On the other hand
, it is undeniable that there are other problems that
are required
to
be solved
. As an example, poverty can
be ceased
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of that amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Subsequently
, it is possible that resolution of that problem would be a more effective way to country flourishing.

Additionally
, it is obvious that supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with access to the internet is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. It means that this measure spends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
sources, offering no certainty.

Therefore
, it may appear dubious for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
taxpayers and social
Possible spelling mistake found.
outrange
could occur.

To conclude
, it is certain that this issue has both negatives and positives.
Personally
, I believe that spending public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on out-of-work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
ineffective owing to vague incomes it proffers
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IELTS essay Some people think that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and access to the Internet

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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