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Some people think that the government should fund music, dance and art lessons for children. Others think that they should be funded by private businesses or children's families. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the government should fund music, dance and art lessons for children. Others think that they should be funded by private businesses or children's families. awEQo
It is argued by some that funding for performing arts such as music, dance and art lessons, for children should be supported by government. While others argue that the fund should come from child's family or private firms. In my opinion, government should fund performing arts as it wil lmake children aware of the countries customs and tradition. Also, by funding music, dance and art lessons government can give a chance to underpriveleged kids to be part of such activities which they identify as difficult to get into. Firstly, funding by private firms will not be able to reach large masses. A private business can only fund for a iota of children, not the whole country. A large firm can't have a huge impact on the country or society beacuse of limited resources and other things to focus on. Secondly, the cost of enrolling a child in a dance or an art class has sky rocketed, beacuse of which many children even having a keen interest are not enrolled by their parents. On the other hand, if the governement supports performing arts through funds it can be benefiacial for both children as well as the country. It will make a child aware of the customs and traditions in dance, music and arts. An investment by government in this field will make children aware of their country's rich tradition which they uniformed of. Moreover, there are many kids who have a storng predilection towards performing arts, but their parents can't afford to send them to art schools because of finanical problems, such kids will also be able to engage in activities and make country proud. In conclusion, I think, that government should fund performing arts activties, by doing so it is keeping the old tradition alive and futher supporting the kids who don't get the opportunity to take part in such activities.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that funding for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
such as music,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
lessons, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be supported
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. While others argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from child's family or private firms. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as it
Possible spelling mistake found.
wil lmake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
.
Also
, by funding music,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
lessons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can give a chance to
Possible spelling mistake found.
underpriveleged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to be part of such activities which they identify as difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into.

Firstly
, funding by private firms will not be able to reach large masses. A private business can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
for
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
iota of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, not the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. A large firm can't have a huge impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or society
Possible spelling mistake found.
beacuse
of limited resources and other things to focus on.
Secondly
, the cost of enrolling a child in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
or an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
has
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
sky rocketed
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
beacuse
of which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
even having a keen interest are not enrolled by their parents.

On the other hand
, if the
Possible spelling mistake found.
governement
supports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
through funds it can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefiacial
for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a child aware of the customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
, music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. An investment by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in this field will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aware of their country's rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
which they uniformed of.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who have a
Possible spelling mistake found.
storng
predilection towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their parents can't afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
finanical
problems, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will
also
be able to engage in activities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
proud.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
Possible spelling mistake found.
activties
, by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is keeping the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
alive and
Possible spelling mistake found.
futher
supporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in such activities.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the government should fund music, dance and art lessons for children. Others think that they should be funded by private businesses or children's families.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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