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Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view. write at least 250 words. v.18

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 18
Few individuals contemplate that the government is extravagant spending on the art, instead that money can be further implemented in other areas of development. I strongly agree with this point of view. Firstly, considering the developing countries the ruling authority must concentrate on economical development looking into emerging market platforms rather than spending on movies, music, theatres etc. For this I believe the government should initiate some measurements such as, vast education facilities, libraries, electronic equipments and most importantly job opportunities. For example, India is a developing country and number of unemployment is high in India because of lack of job opportunities. In media, we can see Indian government is busy spending on building huge statues and movies to get fame but there are more than 10, 000 youngsters who are highly qualified but no jobs for them. However, art should be encouraged because a good artist can elevate the culture of their country and also express his/her ideas through art. For instance, in India during period of freedom fighter Mr. Narshima Reddy, his lover was an artist and she uses to express the idea of revolution through her dance which provoked the people to fight for their freedom and the British people were astonished to know this culture. To conclude, art can be used as a medium of entertainment, but without considering the economical balance spending more on art is not valuable. I firmly believe that the government should consider raising funds looking into different aspects of the development of a country.
Few individuals contemplate that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is extravagant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
instead
that money can be
further
implemented in other areas of development. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view.

Firstly
, considering the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
the ruling authority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
concentrate on
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
development looking into emerging market platforms
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on movies, music,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
etc. For this I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should initiate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measurements such as, vast education facilities, libraries, electronic equipments and most
importantly
job opportunities.
For example
, India is a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and number of unemployment is high in India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of job opportunities. In media, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on building huge
Possibly confused word: Did you mean "statutes" (= a sculpture; a carved or shaped imitation of an object) instead of 'statues' (= a formal written enactment of a legislative authority)?
statues
and movies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fame
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are more than 10, 000 youngsters who are
highly
qualified
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
no jobs for them.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should
be encouraged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
artist can elevate the culture of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
also
express his/her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
For instance
, in India during period of freedom fighter Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Narshima
Reddy, his lover was an
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
artist and
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
to express the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of revolution through her dance which provoked the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to fight for their freedom and the British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were astonished
to know this culture.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a medium of entertainment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without considering the economical balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is not valuable. I
firmly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should consider raising funds looking into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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