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Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be beer spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.1

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be beer spent elsewhere. v. 1
It is thought by some that the government is squandering money on the arts, and this money could be better spent on vital areas. In my opinion, I strongly agree that the state should not be frivolous with money and spend this money on vital areas such as education or healthcare. A good reason not to waste money on the arts is that art does not play a vital role in society, and it has more detrimental effects on society as a whole. One of these problems is that some art encourages rebellion against the government as it fuels violence and incites hatred. This could lead to deleterious impacts on society in the long run. Another obvious issue with the arts is that it can be used by some artists to criticize religion, and this is deeply offensive. As a result, the government is not obligated to spend money on somethings can bring about more problems. Another point to consider is that funding ought to be better granted to more pressing social issues. To put it another way, any country in the world now is suffering from critical problems on how it can support people’s basic needs, such as education, healthcare system, and providing clean water. For example, education should be prioritized over the arts because increasing the number of educated people will bring greater rewards to society as a whole. If a country has a great resource of skilled and knowledgeable professionals, this can bring more economic advantages to this country in the long term. Finally, the government is not responsible to spend money to protect the arts because there are enough wealthy patrons around to subsidize the arts. For instance, a businessman in Egypt donated over ten millions of dollars to construct an art gallery because he is considered one of the art-loving people in the country. Furthermore, the money generated from entry fees can be used to restore and protect artworks. This income from entry fees means that the government will have more money to spend on vital areas. In conclusion, it is better if the money was allocated to support people’s basic needs, such as improving the healthcare system or funding higher education instead of wasting this money on the arts. Art will not help people to find a job later on.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is squandering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could be better spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vital
areas. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the state should not be frivolous with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vital
areas such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or healthcare.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason not to waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
does not play a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vital
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, and it has more detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole. One of these problems is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
encourages rebellion against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as it fuels violence and incites hatred. This could lead to deleterious impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in the long run. Another obvious issue with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is that it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
artists to criticize religion, and this is
deeply
offensive.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is not obligated to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on somethings can bring about more problems.

Another point to consider is that funding ought to be better granted to more pressing social issues. To put it another way, any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is suffering from critical problems on how it can support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
basic needs, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, healthcare system, and providing clean water.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
be prioritized
over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
increasing the number of educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will bring greater rewards to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has a great resource of skilled and knowledgeable professionals, this can bring more economic advantages to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the long term.

Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is not responsible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
wealthy patrons around to subsidize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
For instance
, a businessman in Egypt donated over
Use a singular form of the numeral here: "ten million".
ten millions of
dollars to construct an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
gallery
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
is considered
one of the art-loving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
generated from entry fees can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to restore and protect artworks. This income from entry fees means that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vital
areas.

In conclusion
, it is better if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was allocated
to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
basic needs, such as improving the healthcare system or funding higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
instead
of wasting this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find a job later on.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be beer spent elsewhere. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
386 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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