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Some people have the same type of job throughout their lifetime, while others prefer to change the type of job they do. Discuss why people choose to do both and give your opinion. v.2

Some people have the same type of job throughout their lifetime, while others prefer to change the type of job they do. Discuss why people choose to do both and give your opinion. v. 2
Many people prefer to keep doing the same category of job all their life, while there are a few who prefer to switch and experiment with their careers. In my opinion, continuing to do a certain type of work largely depend on two factors, that are, job satisfaction and financial independence. I believe most people complete their graduation in a particular field of study, work hard for their degrees and after a lot of struggle finally land with the job which they want. Thus, such people would mostly not turn to other means of earning livelihood, as they would have to begin as a fresher elsewhere, negating all their struggle in the process. Additionally, some people cannot change their jobs even if they want to because they cannot afford to take risks by starting again in a new field. On the other hand, there are some who like what they do and being continuously challenged is of utmost importance. Hence, such people keep reinventing themselves by learning new skills and trying to make a living out of it, even if it means starting as a beginner again. For example, a typist in a company would get bored doing the monotonous work everyday and would try to gain expertise in a new area and gain professional grwth. Finally, most people who change careers often, have financial security and can support themselves in case of failures. To conclude, one's contentment with the kind of work they do is one of the most important factors in deciding whether the person sticks to doing the same kind of job or prefers to keep changing it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
doing the same category of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
all their life, while there are a few who prefer to switch and experiment with their careers. In my opinion, continuing to do a certain type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
largely
depend on two factors, that are,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction and financial independence.

I believe most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
complete their graduation in a particular field of study,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for their degrees and after
Possible agreement error. The noun struggle seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of struggles".
a lot of struggle
finally
land with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which they want.
Thus
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
mostly
not turn to other means of earning livelihood, as they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
as a fresher elsewhere, negating all their struggle in the process.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
even if they want to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot afford to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
by starting again in a new field.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who like what they do and being
continuously
challenged is of utmost importance.
Hence
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
reinventing themselves by learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living out of it, even if it means starting as a beginner again.
For example
, a typist in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored doing the monotonous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
and would try to gain expertise in a new area and gain professional
Possible spelling mistake found.
grwth
.
Finally
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
careers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, have financial security and can support themselves in case of failures.

To conclude
, one's contentment with the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they do is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors in deciding whether the person sticks to doing the same kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or prefers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
changing it.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people have the same type of job throughout their lifetime, while others prefer to change the type of job they do. Discuss why people choose to do both and give your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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