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some people think that the governmant is waisting money on the arts and that this money could be better to spend elsewhere v.1

some people think that the governmant is waisting money on the arts and that this money could be better to spend elsewhere v. 1
Nowadays there is the opinion based on the idea that the government should not spend a lot of money on art industry and it is better to support other parts of the society. This essay disagrees that there are other more important issues where the government should invest more money than on the arts. Firstly, this essay will prove the idea of positive art influence on people’ mental health and secondly, it will show how important is to develop art industry in order to make it the evidence of the epoch. To begin with, thousands of years art is playing a significant part of human’s life. It allows them not only to create something fascinating and beautiful, but also to relieve stress, express their emotions and get away from bad thoughts. For example, a lot psychologists advice their patients to attend different art workshops in order to give their brain some time to rest and such art therapies definitely should be supported. Also, no doubt, that art is one of the main signs of the time. Through the art people have a chance to understand the thoughts, ideas and fears of their ancestors. For instance, ancient people made a lot of drawings on the walls of the caves, where they have been living thousands of years and now, they greatly help historians to recreate and realize our own history. To sum up, the art industry definitely should be supported by the authorities in order to help the citizens to overcome their life problems through art therapies and let people to express their ideas and thoughts.
Nowadays there is the opinion based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
industry and it is better to support other parts of the society. This essay disagrees that there are other more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues where the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest more money than on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
Firstly
, this essay will prove the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’
mental health and
secondly
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
industry in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it the evidence of the epoch.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, thousands of years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is playing a significant part of human’s life. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to create something fascinating and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, express their emotions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thoughts.
For example
,
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of psychologists"?
a lot psychologists
advice their patients to attend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
workshops in order to give their brain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to rest and such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
therapies definitely should
be supported
.

Also
, no doubt, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is one of the main signs of the time. Through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a chance to understand the thoughts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
and fears of their ancestors.
For instance
, ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
drawings on the walls of the caves, where they have been living thousands of years and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, they
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
historians to recreate and realize our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
history.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
industry definitely should
be supported
by the authorities in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the citizens to overcome their life problems through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
therapies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to express their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
and thoughts.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay some people think that the governmant is waisting money on the arts and that this money could be better to spend elsewhere v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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