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Some people think that the family is the most important influence on a child’s success in school. Other people think that friends are the most important influence on a child’s success in school. Which view do you agree with? v.2

Some people think that the family is the most important influence on a child’s success in school. Other people think that friends are the most important influence on a child’s success in school. Which view do you agree with? v. 2
People are easily prone to be modeled by the surrounding, through behaving as what they have observed. That says they imitate someone’s conduct near them no matter what the essence is. Especially, children are arduous to distinguish whether the behaviors are positive or not. Hence, whether the child’s accomplishment in school is originated from the family or the friends brings about numerous arguments. In order to vividly illustrate my concept of this controversial debate, there are several contentions provided in the successive paragraphs. Be frankly, I have to admit that families indeed play an imperative role in child’s achievement in school to some extent. Families supervise not only the child’s courtesy but also their curricular performance. Teachers, especially in Taiwan, do not intensively concentrate on the social manner such as the polite interaction with persons but the scores of exams. By acquainting himself with social skills, the child’s relationship with classmates, teachers, and so on would be ameliorated. Therefore, the child can acquire the interpersonal relationship of success. In addition, the regular administration of performance of curriculum enforced by families can remind the child about the responsibility of studying. By doing so, the grades on tests will gradually increase and thus accomplish the academic success. On the other hand, friends are alternative force driving the child’s success in school. All the improvements originally stem from interactive competitions among peers. For example, parents, living in Taiwan in particular, are desperate to send their children to the well-established schools because of the academic atmosphere and competitive peers. Although the competition among pupils causes enormous and intangible pressures, this undoubtedly encourages children to meliorate. This interprets why the influence from surrounding friends is outstandingly critical in child’s accomplishment in school. In summary, it is not completely certain that the family or friends play a most influential part in child’s success in school. Instead, we can be convinced that both contribute to the child’s achievement in school indispensably according to the above propositions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
easily
prone to
be modeled
by the surrounding, through behaving as what they have observed. That says they imitate someone’s conduct near them no matter what the essence is.
Especially
, children are arduous to distinguish whether the behaviors are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or not.
Hence
, whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
accomplishment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is originated
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
brings about numerous arguments. In order to
vividly
illustrate my concept of this controversial debate, there are several contentions provided in the successive paragraphs.

Be
frankly
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
indeed
play an imperative role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
achievement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Families
supervise not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
courtesy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their curricular performance. Teachers,
especially
in Taiwan, do not
intensively
concentrate on the social manner such as the polite interaction with persons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the scores of exams. By acquainting himself with social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
relationship with classmates, teachers, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on would
be ameliorated
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can acquire the interpersonal relationship of success.
In addition
, the regular administration of performance of curriculum enforced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can remind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
about the responsibility of studying. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the grades on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
will
gradually
increase and
thus
accomplish the academic success.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are alternative force driving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. All the improvements
originally
stem from interactive competitions among peers.
For example
, parents, living in Taiwan
in particular
, are desperate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children to the well-established
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the academic atmosphere and competitive peers. Although the competition among pupils causes enormous and intangible pressures, this
undoubtedly
encourages children to meliorate. This interprets why the influence from surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is
outstandingly
critical in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
accomplishment in school.

In summary, it is not completely certain that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
play a most influential part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Instead
, we can
be convinced
that both contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
achievement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
indispensably
according to the above propositions.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the family is the most important influence on a child’s success in school. Other people think that friends are the most important influence on a child’s success in school. Which view do you agree with? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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