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Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion PAlB
Spending money on space exploration has been made a hot debate in the world. Some people think that it is invaluable to pay for space exploration and that expenditure could use for other fields. I didn't agree with that. Astronomy plays a crucial role in the development of human beings. Firstly, it provides a special experimental environment for scientific research. For instance, the grain seeds having an experience on the space could be transferred as an improved-seed, which contribute the food security and poverty reduction in the world. Secondly, some human activities need space technology to support them. Such the weather predictions which need a lot of data from the satellite, which could give more information to help the variety of workers to schedule their work plan, such as constructor. and farmers. Although there are many other fields which needs some investment to make it better. It seems more beneficial in the present but less return in the future and humans development. Actually, in this world, there are too many aspects that need the government given financial support to improve the quality and satisfy of the whole society. Space exploration only is one part of those investment, which shows an essential positive on change our life. In my opinion, I totally disagree with those people who want to cut down the financial support of space exploration, which can not be replaced by any ways.
Spending money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
has
been made
a hot debate in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is invaluable to pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
and that expenditure could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for other fields. I didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that.

Astronomy plays a crucial role in the development of human beings.
Firstly
, it provides a special experimental environment for scientific research.
For instance
, the grain seeds having an experience on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
could
be transferred
as an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
-seed, which contribute the food security and poverty reduction in the world.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
human activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
technology to support them. Such the weather predictions which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
data from the satellite, which could give more information to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the variety of workers to schedule their work plan, such as constructor.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
farmers.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other fields which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
investment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it better. It seems more beneficial in the present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
less
The usual collocation for "return" is "to" not "in" with. Did you mean "return to"?
return in
the future and humans development. Actually, in this world, there are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
financial support to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality and satisfy of the whole society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is one part of
Did you mean "this investment" or "those investments"?
those investment
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
an essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our life.

In my opinion, I
totally
disagree with those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the financial support of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
, which can not
be replaced
by any ways.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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