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Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, say that there are too many drawbacks of putting people in jail. Do the advantages of prisons outweigh the drawbacks?

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, say that there are too many drawbacks of putting people in jail. Do the advantages of prisons outweigh the drawbacks? LLlD6
Some people are of the opinion that prisons and serving longer sentences are the answer to the reduction of crime while others feel that prison does not really work as there are so many disadvantages. Even though there are some drawbacks to this such as people re-offending when they are released, I still believe the overwhelming benefits of serving longer prison sentences far outweigh the drawbacks. The fact that prisons help to rehabilitate people because of the length of time they remain in jail could benefit them when they are eventually released. Even though there are many benefits to prisons, there are some drawbacks to them. One of these problems is that some criminals, once they have been released, may go on to commit more heinous crimes because they have learnt nothing from their stay in prison. Many Mafia members may leave prison and resume their criminal activity with more knowledge than before making them more dangerous. This is true but, on the other hand, this is not all offenders. Not everyone belongs to a criminal gang and these gangs are only a small minority. Most of the offenders who had commited a crime, would have learnt their lesson and be rehabilitated. This brings me to rehabilitation itself. Once an offender has served their time, most usually come out wanting to help others or their communities. There are more stories of people turning to God, peace and religion than there are of people who reoffend. More books have been written by former criminals who hate their old lifestyle of crime and write about how they went on to help others in need within societies. Compare that to the number of books, to which there are only a few, that refer to a former inmate who comes out to reoffend. In conclusion, although there is a risk and drawback of people coming out of prison to commit more crimes, the majority of these do not. Prisons have more benefits of helping criminals to see the wrongdoing they did and help to rehabilitate them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
and serving longer sentences are the answer to the reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
while others feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
does not
really
work as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages.
Even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
to this such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
re-offending when they
are released
, I
still
believe the overwhelming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of serving longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
sentences far outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
. The fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to rehabilitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the length of time they remain in jail could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
them when they are
eventually
released.

Even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
to them. One of these problems is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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criminals
, once they have
been released
, may go on to commit more heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
nothing from their stay in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Mafia members may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
and resume their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activity with more knowledge than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making them more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. This is true
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but
, on the
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other
hand, this is not all offenders. Not everyone belongs to a
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criminal
gang and these gangs are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
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small
minority. Most of the offenders
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who
had
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "committed", the past tense form of the verb 'commit'?
commited
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, would have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
their lesson and
be rehabilitated
.

This brings me to rehabilitation itself. Once an offender has served their time, most
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out wanting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others or their communities. There are more stories of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
turning to God, peace and religion than there are of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Possible spelling mistake found.
reoffend
. More books have
been written
by former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
hate their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and write about how they went on to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others in need within societies. Compare that to the number of books, to which there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few, that refer to a former inmate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
out to
Possible spelling mistake found.
reoffend
.

In conclusion
, although there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawback
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
coming out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
to commit more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, the majority of these do not.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Prisons
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the wrongdoing they did and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to rehabilitate them.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, say that there are too many drawbacks of putting people in jail. Do the advantages of prisons outweigh the drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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