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Children ore focing more pressures nowadays from academics, social, and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures And which measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v.1

Children ore focing more pressures nowadays from academics, social, and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures And which measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 1
It is often said that teenagers are a future of any nation. Nowadays, they cannot escape from the surrounding environment of communal, studies and general load that proves by child health development. Firstly, every parent wishes for their child to be the best in every stream aimed to not only compete with the province or nation, but also with the globe. Though, guardians send them to international schools where the weight of the school bag is heavier than kids, even after schooling, there is private tuition. Hence, they don't get enough time to bloom their hidden talents and pursue their hobbies which led them to stress. Secondly, some kids addicted to western culture by putting traditional culture beside and try to apply in their lives. For an instance, if they influence by electronic gadget they want their parents to purchase at any cost, either is required or not and if they unable to provide, they get an unnecessary tension which some time makes them rebel against the rule laid by elders. However, parenting plays a vital role to overcome these situations by realistic expect and supporting them in adverse situations with creating mutual understanding with them for encouraging them to know their ability and be better in that field, they are really interested whether it is sports or extra curricular activity. In conclusion, youngsters should be careful to handle adverse situations with extra awareness, for that necessary action should be taken by society to protect childhood otherwise tension will stifle the children's psychologically.
It is
often
said that
teenagers
are a future of any nation. Nowadays, they cannot escape from the surrounding environment of communal, studies and general load that proves by child health development.

Firstly
, every parent wishes for their child to be the best in every stream aimed to not
only
compete with the province or nation,
but
also
with the globe. Though, guardians
send
them to international schools where the weight of the school bag is heavier than kids, even after schooling, there is private tuition.
Hence
, they don't
get
enough
time to bloom their hidden talents and pursue their hobbies which led them to
stress
.

Secondly
,
some
kids addicted to western culture by putting traditional culture beside and try to apply in their
lives
. For an instance, if they influence by electronic gadget they want their parents to
purchase
at any cost, either
is required
or not and if
they
unable to provide, they
get
an unnecessary tension which
some
time
makes
them rebel against the
rule
laid by elders.

However
, parenting plays a vital role to overcome these situations by realistic
expect
and supporting them in adverse situations with creating mutual understanding with them for encouraging them to know their ability and be better in that field, they are
really
interested whether it is sports or
extra curricular
activity.

In conclusion
, youngsters should be careful to handle adverse situations with extra awareness, for that necessary action should
be taken
by society to protect childhood
otherwise
tension will stifle the children's
psychologically
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Children ore focing more pressures nowadays from academics, social, and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures And which measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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