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Some people think that the best way to ensure road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

It has been stated that the government should change the minimum age for driving in order to pose a safer traffic. I personally think that there are other measures that can prevent drivers from being in jeopardy along with preventing young adults from driving. Thus, I partially concur with the assertion. To begin with, it seems to me that there are two major reasons why some people think that the right to drive ought not to be given to too young grown-ups. Primarily, due to their tendency of being irresponsible, they could drive recklessly. Since majority of them had not many chances to take legal or heavy responsibility, they could tend to be violent drivers. Furthermore, since not many of them would fully comprehend the gravity of committing crimes, it is highly likely that they will be indulgent in dangerous driving habits. For instance, even though drunk driving brings egregiously high accident rates and is a severely illegal activity, it is not difficult to find young adults who had committed this crime. However, it seems to me that the road safety can also be improved through other methods rather than changing minimum ages. First of all, the maintenance of public roads will be of great help. It is true that many of vehicle accidents occur due to the unsafety conditions of roads such as deep puddles or steep scraps. Moreover, the proliferation of rest areas will have a positive influence on preventing car crashes. To illustrate, in countries with wide land, sometimes people need to drive for an extended period of time. This will cause them chronic fatigue; as a result, they can drive in a drowsy condition, which will trigger a great danger to their and others' lives. In conclusion, as raised minimum legal age for driving would be helpful for the development of road safety, I personally think that other measures will provide people with the same effect of the aforementioned policy.
It has
been stated
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the minimum age for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
in order to pose a safer traffic. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are other measures that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
drivers from being in jeopardy along with preventing young adults from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
.
Thus
, I
partially
concur with the assertion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it seems to me that there are two major reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
ought not to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to too young grown-ups.
Primarily
, due to their tendency of being irresponsible, they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
recklessly
. Since
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
them had not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chances to take legal or heavy responsibility, they could tend to be violent drivers.
Furthermore
, since not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them would
fully
comprehend the gravity of committing crimes, it is
highly
likely that they will be indulgent in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
habits.
For instance
,
even though
drunk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
brings
egregiously
high accident rates and is a
severely
illegal activity, it is not difficult to find young adults who had committed this crime.

However
, it seems to me that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
safety can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
through other methods
rather
than changing minimum ages.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, the maintenance of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
will be of great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of vehicle accidents occur due to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
unsafety
conditions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
such as deep puddles or steep scraps.
Moreover
, the proliferation of rest areas will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on preventing car crashes. To illustrate, in countries with wide land,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
for an extended period of time. This will cause them chronic fatigue;
as a result
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
in a drowsy condition, which will trigger a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
, as raised minimum legal age for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
would be helpful for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
safety, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that other measures will provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with the same effect of the aforementioned policy.
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Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motor-bike.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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