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Some people think that teenagers should follow the example of older people. Others think that it is natural for teenagers to challenge what older people say. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.5

Some people think that teenagers should follow the example of older people. Others think that it is natural for teenagers to challenge what older people say. v. 5
There is no doubt that, since several centuries, the environment is in danger. Nowadays, some people think that the decrease in the number of some types of animals and plants is the main problem in that danger. While others believe that there are other things which can be more important environmental problems. In this essay I am going to discuss both sides and draw my personal conclusion. Speaking of problems, human beings are one of the biggest reasons of the problems. The main reason given to support this claim is the climate change which has been recently being danger on the nature. To illustrate, the behaviours of some people such as cutting an entire forest and the traffic pollution could have a huge effect on the environment. In other words, people should really know what they are doing because these behaviours are one of the important problems on the nature issue. Hence the belief that human beings are playing a big role in this cause. However, it should not be forgotten that the losing of rare species of animals and plants is very dangerous. For example, the big fishes eat the smaller fishes, if there are no more small fishes the big one will die. In other words, the life circle of plants and animals is linked with each other. So, one error in this circle will be problem on the nature and on the human beings. In conclusion, after a care full analysis of both views, I believe that there are more important environmental problems, such as the human being’s behaviours.
There is no doubt that, since several centuries, the environment is in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the decrease in the number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of animals and plants is the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others believe that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things which can be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. In this essay I am going to discuss both sides and draw my personal conclusion.

Speaking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings are one of the biggest reasons of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. The main reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to support this claim is the climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
which has been recently being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
on the nature. To illustrate, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
such as cutting an entire forest and the traffic pollution could have a huge effect on the environment. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
really
know what they are doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
are one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
on the nature issue.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings are playing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in this cause.

However
, it should not
be forgotten
that the losing of rare species of animals and plants is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
For example
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fishes eat the smaller fishes, if there are no more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
fishes the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
one will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the life circle of plants and animals
is linked
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, one error in this circle will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
on the nature and on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings.

In conclusion
, after a care full analysis of both views, I believe that there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that teenagers should follow the example of older people. Others think that it is natural for teenagers to challenge what older people say. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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